if he put as much effort into rhyming as he does stealin he could be good

i think rugged might be pissed about the biting and expressin that i thought this was decent like it more than most u put on here but.... because of the shit u pulled have doubts that u even wrote it. if u did write this good job if u didnt ur a bitch

pretty cocky to put pac out there like that even if u were good enough this was weaker than most everything else youve done and u chose to put pac on this u need to think about ur decisions a lil more in depth cuz when u dont stupid shit seems to happen to put it in a positive way

opener- Catch
punches - both each had one that stuck out after i read
multi- (catch 3 lines with solid multis) (deaf i seen one solid line and 2 other attempts) so im goin with Catch
personals-catch had 2 that i knew and i think they were the easy shots. deaf had one but threw in the computer stuff ...

deaf i bet- ur a taurus writin from the toilet
cuz everything u drop is just a buncha bullshit
u stole a mans thoughts and claimed to be the writer
we knew u were a lotta bark but didnt know u were a biter
u beat me in a battle now i feel cheated
now u get an F deaf hip hop 101 u need to repeat it ...

gotcha mayne thank u much appreciated

i appreciate the positive feed. do u have n e examples or suggestions on how i would fix it up does it come off choppy when u read it, am i over doin it the lack of punches lessen the impact just wanna get better and ur one who id heed the advice so... thanks

as the savage masses of average bastards staggered across pasteurs
usin sadness to fuel madness while they ravage the castles
armed fools with farm tools bring harm to- those who grew up in charm school
army wieldin weapons buildin zeppelins still lack the heart to kill these henchmen
no mages or ...

nice im gon go read more from u. this is really good. y title it as dope show

-- Mon Jun 07, 2010 10:41 pm --

youve improved a lot with the type errors makes thing easier to follow but i dont feel the vibe or beat rhymes punches multis if u wanna show what u can do think about what ur putting down most of the last drops have been sub par for u. ur topics are deep and and the visuals are nice but as for hip ...

preciate it guys i will clean it up

im done gettin drunk tryin to numb the pain
stumblin like a bumb to pour the rum down the drain
leanin over the sink on the brink of a breakdown
lifes a bitch and i need some help not so easy to say aloud
cuz way down deep i feel like im bout to black out
lash out grip this bitch by the balls and ...

i liked the extended bars. had some really hot lines in there i agree about the birds and weed line not only was it a stretch to make it work but its rookie compared to the rest of this piece . it was nice

i liked this the first verse i think gave the feelin u wanted the second seemed like u were stretchin to stay on point like it wasnt natural i like the hook makes me wanna do something for it keep it up man i would like to see a revised version if u feel that its needed

ty mayne much appreciated