State of The Union...

[134282]

I've been working on this piece called State of The Union... It touches myriad socioeconomic issues of late as well as in the past (and a little religion - can't help myself). This, I think, would be the first verse. I've yet to write a hook. Let me know what you folks think.

==========

Imagine gods with
massive goblets...
running over... cabbage pockets
money soldiers... average prophet...
sabotage savage profit babylons...
drank his blood, but now I'm in AL-ANON...
stop the beat, I'm never syncopated...
I think, and made it...
now I sit to state in this debate that I'm vindicated...
the single, latest killing hatred has infiltrated the children stages...
We are the youth of the nation…
We came to use information obtained through the use of impatience to shove the truth in the faces of the same people you've abused with this hatred…
We, the beautiful, naked, homeowners and studio takers,
born here or new to the states, in the booths at the stations
or using the greatest opportunities to make it…
We make up america, the teachers and students,
we've seen your delusions, we don't need your confusion,
the people who choose to be free from this nuisance…
But you seem to be ruthless, 'cause you're crushing the dream that freedom produces…
What have we gotta do to stop this
rotten, stupid process…?
I'm still waiting for the justice that the constitution promised...
Whatever happened to making your OWN decisions...?
Gross provisions and no revision has paroled our own remission
to make choices, fake voices speak to overthrow our visions...
How can you tell them not to have an abortion when you don't even know the women...?
What ever happened to being able to choose…?
Fables of rules
That enable us tools
For a democracy are a hypocracy, and we're ultimately labeled as fools…
We're in an artificial environment, like moms who bore in vitro…
High ranking officials' upon the sworn-in credo
Have their palms so warm from people
Who DO NOT adorn what we do…
We speak of civil rights for a simple life, but they can't hear us over the bombs in Puerto Rico…
The system is supposed to protect us, but it's all about protecting the system…
We have over-populated correctional systems
while tax payers' dollars are like collected permission…
To forget the decisions
In the constitution to stop and view them as equals, but instead they just send them to prison…
What do they do, arrest them for living…?
If we do it, it's bad, but if they do it, it's fine…
If we snort it, we're had, but if they blew it, they're fined…
If you like what's left of your freedom, savor it…
'cause in the years to come, they're gonna waver it
and make you slave for it…
I got a speeding ticket while parking, but I still gotta pay for it,
Lyndon B. Johnson killed Kennedy but he got away with it,
It's not justice, so fuck this, why even stay with it…?
What's the difference between a Crip in the street, grippin' his heat,
or a kid with a clip in his piece, in some foreign country, willing to die for a sliver of peace..?
There ain't no difference to me...
What's the difference between selling crack in the street
for some cheese or a package of meat, so your family can eat
or having it manufactured in secret factories, overseas in fascist Havana retreats...
Even packed in these plastique packages, deep in mattresses, stacked in heaps on massive fleets, being delivered to OUR country, packed in the streets,
all orchestrated by some politician running for the DRUG FREE AMERICA activist seat...

[B-Bear]

Leave more detailed feedback tomorrow.. just read through it quickly.. and this is what i got to say..

U're like a reincarnated prophet. speakin wisdom and cleverness in your rhymes in a way i've actually never seen before.. i'd love to hear something like this over a beat..

[Momeijah]

Sick as Usual Man, ur Shit Just Flows Off The Tongue Like.... Discharge Haha. That's a Talent On it's Own Right There. So Categories, i Mean ur Structure Looked Weird at 1st But Reading it; it Was Great, The Flow And Multis Tied in Together Nicely And u Had a Lot Of Quotables. The Lines That Stood Out The Most For Me Were;

If you like what's left of your freedom, savor it…
'cause in the years to come, they're gonna waver it
and make you slave for it…
I got a speeding ticket while parking, but I still gotta pay for it,
Lyndon B. Johnson killed Kennedy but he got away with it,
It's not justice, so fuck this, why even stay with it…?
What's the difference between a Crip in the street, grippin' his heat,
or a kid with a clip in his piece, in some foreign country, willing to die for a sliver of peace..?
There ain't no difference to me...

That Whole Part Was ill Man, Keep Droppin.

[B-Bear]

i Mean ur Structure Looked Weird at 1st But Reading it;it Was Great

I totally agree, it looked more of a speech then really a verse.. but the originality proved throughout the verse.. multies aren't really obvious and visible, so i just hope everybody see how good this shit really is.. but i didn't really catch your flow of this one tho.. but the thoughts and message makes the verse def worth readin! lookin forward to readin your scriptures cause u know it's gon blow my screen into pieces.. keep it up.. i wanna hear u flow on a beat man..

[complexity]

You make the rest of us who drop writtens look stupid.

"We are the youth of the nation…
We came to use information obtained through the use of impatience to shove the truth in the faces of the same people you've abused with this hatred…"

Dope. The entire flow in this piece was pretty flawless.

You have an absolute talent that not many rappers have, including mainstream rappers, etc. You can make almost every word important and essential to what your writing.

I wish, I had time to leave more extensive feedback. I don't have much to critique for now.

Keep it up. I look forward to drops from you.

Ps -B-Bear: Amazing point, multies aren't really obvious and visible, so i just hope everybody see how good this shit really is.. but i didn't.

[B-Bear]

Go eat a pussy Plex=)

[Prophet]

Damn Numbers that was sick! Just can't stop reading it, it was pretty long but I couldn't resist reading the whole thing. Its hard to write a long verse and be able to maintain the readers intrest but you were able to do that! Good work.

[complexity]

? B-Bear. I said good point. It wasn't an insult rather a compliment.

They aren't visible to the untrained eye because you just flow with them.

Uppin.

[B-Bear]

Oh, my bad man.. juss misunderstood the meaning, thought it was more of an ironic comment, anyways.. my bad..

[134282]

Thanks, everyone. I've run into some obstacles with the second verse - not writer's block of anything, I've just been really busy. I've got some of it done; still working on the rest. This will be a piece I record when it's done. I've written a hook, but I don't like it, so I'll rewrite it. When it's finally recorded, I'll post up the final piece.