Deep Shitttttt

[Gutta]

http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/just- ... t5581.html


Harsh realities of life, paying prices on the trifed
Living for nothing, countin days and nights
Hoping for something, say a few prayers
Praying there's an angle that will hear you up there
Cuz down here, don't nobody else care
The average cat aint put in this type of habitat
We living across the street from where the gats and stabbins at
Put that in perspective then wonder why we pull the hammer back
Misrepresented, plus crime is spreadin like cancer, black
Answer back, God can you hear me when I scream?
Is this all reality? Or am I living in a dream?
Un- answered questions I can express in a sentence
I will live and breather hip hop till the day it starts endin
Kick in the door, rob the place, holdin heat under your sleeves
Ten more years in this game, I wonder where we'll be... we'll hafta see

Crying inside, we can see the pain in your flesh
You're surviving in this game until your brains put to rest
Until you still stop concentrating on the life you've been placed in
Living trife, impatient for a better life to come, so you waitin
Till ya black out, no more pain, time to sleep
Fly ya up to Heaven, angels with ya 90 deep
Gaspin for air as you try to speak, catchin stares
The World is yours man its all out there
Would you rather be away from everything you once knew?
Or be living through all the things that you slept through?
Even though we take it rough, treated harshly
Even livin in this depression, life can be costly
Actions we create, generate from the minds we posses
You never really know what ya have, until your friend is put to rest
The big question we all stress is where do we go from here?
The answer is we have no idea

Imagine we came back from the grave, imagine a perfect history
Where blacks was never slaves, where we made no mistakes
The future was clear, the clouds so thick, cant even Lucifer see us
Where we all got used to this feeling, no more cap peeling
We live and breathe rap, we don't need no more crack dealin
No more little girls cryin in the projects, about livin and dyin in this nonsense
This the school of hard knocks, no parent teacher conferences
Inhale this smoke, now we pray for this hope that
We can make it as a people, if don't nobody hold back
The sequel is, striving, aint no secrets kept, nobody dyin
The facts that I'm spitting on my raps, is reviving
Artifacts, you will look back at, maybe gain some knowledge
If there's a problem I came to solve it, rockin the scene
From Brooklyn, Queens to Hollis, If you with me
Then let me hear you scream like Onyx, speak Ebonics
Got ya hooked on my phonics

[Street Pharmacist]

this was a pretty nice peace,the flow was good,the topic is pretty played it out tho

fav lines VV


Misrepresented, plus crime is spreadin like cancer, black
Answer back, God can you hear me when I scream?
Is this all reality? Or am I living in a dream?


Would you rather be away from everything you once knew?
Or be living through all the things that you slept through?

and i like this one especialy cuz u got it from styles p.
VVVV

No more little girls cryin in the projects, about livin and dyin in this nonsense
This the school of hard knocks, no parent teacher conferences

[134282]

I'm diggin' the topic. Great stuff... You had some really nice lines in there. But the title doesn't exactly match the content. I wouldn't consider this "Deep Shitttttt"...

There are parts of your verses where the rhyme scheme is great - and then other parts where it just falls off into single-syllable blah. If you're going to incorporate multi-syllabic rhymes into your verses, then you need to maintain them all the way through.

In your verses, you provide details - details of what is, what has been, what could be - and then in other parts, you add a different flavor; more of a story telling style. It's in those other parts where you lose the rhyme scheme, but the verse benefits from the flipped style.

I suggest you work on maintaining your rhyme scheme throughout your entire piece without changing your style.

One more thing; you ended this piece horribly. Scream like Onyx...? Speak ebonics...? Hooked on my phonics...? What the fuck does that have to do with the rest of the piece...? Seriously... You were going strong and then you tapered off with some ridiculous bullshit.

[Gutta]

^^^^ thanks for the feed


ya numbers i totally fucked up the ending of that last verse which wasnt even supposed to go with the the other 2 verses but its an old piece so i just posted it w/out looking it through

[134282]

ya numbers i totally fucked up the ending of that last verse which wasnt even supposed to go with the the other 2 verses but its an old piece so i just posted it w/out looking it through

You have to take pride in your work, homey. Check and double check your stuff. Always make sure it's up to your standards - and never stop raising your standards.

[Gutta]

^^^ thanks man

[-TraMaTiK-]

this was actually pretty good...lotta quoteables..liked the lucifer bar...but yea man..not bad..id give it an 8.5/10...keep droppin...PeaCe...

-Tramatik

[Gutta]

trhank u dawg!

[thaphantom]

I didn't read it all completly i'ma read the rest of it later...But it's very good for most of it i read...I didn't read the last paragraph.....i gotta get off the computer right now anyways.....But it seems very poetic... It has some deep shit in it...But overall i had liked it....Keep it up Comment some of my new shit i ain't wrote in awhile

http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/a-cyp ... t5996.html


http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/khan- ... t5995.html

[thaphantom]

well i ain't have to leave yet..i just read the last paragraph.....keep it up.....But 1 thing that needs to be gone in this world...is all this damn racism...

[Dead Silence]

liked it alot gutta good job on it

Kick in the door, rob the place, holdin heat under your sleeves
Ten more years in this game, I wonder where we'll be... we'll hafta see

^fav line