Got a mind of your own!!!

[Quix]

lets See if i still got it!! any feed will be appreciated and returned. Drop a link







I've walked a fine line since my day of birth tried many times to escape the Earth
plenty fine minds strived N survived to make it work, but for me memories just make it worse
suffering from spells of Absent mildness accompanied with spontaneous acts of Kindness
but Past is Nicest, when you finally figure what matters, and put the worthless Facts behind us
why do these political cats Confine us ... using communist tools like Propaganda
sharing fairy tails ... these are the same dudes who invented Rudolph and Santa
speeches, Mass media, press releases, they gon tell us we owe money then send us 2 Extra Visa's
giving out Cash advances, to a brother in debt?? when i can barely cover the rent?
hope the Lions Cover the bet ... living pay cheque to pay cheque and still looking for change under the vents
and still some others brothers convinced? ... Elections are tool for manipulating the powers that be
but really ... what does a Coward achieve??? eventually they get swept away, Devoured, deceased
once the truth is spoken the accused are noticed ... bruised n broken, Abused Ferocious
karma's a bitch, and here's a cliché that finally fits ... break from the binds of the predecessors
can the lectures, find a canadate that can relate ... find us an intelligently advaned successor
someone who can withstand the pressures not only command the troops
instead of war, form a front line in the oval office .... then advance them tooo
denigrate the legislative council, kill the secretary of defense and kidnap the president
i mean, theres even prolly a similar story in the bible ... right around the old testament
but if your still wondering what the message is?? ... everything they've told you, Worked!
just remember .... don't trust or praise the ANYTHING, OR ANYBODY .. with out getting to know them First








feed would be preciated and returned.

[Defiance]

I've walked a fine line since my day of birth tryed many times to escape the Earth
plenty fine minds strived N survived to make it work, but for me memories just make it worse
^solid opener had me nearly hooked

suffering from spells of Absent mindness accompanied with spontaneous acts of Kindness
^^ My favorite bar just seemed to pop in perfectly

but Past in Nicest, when you finally figure what matters, and put the wortheless Facts behind us
^heat plain and simply

why do this political cats Confine us ... using communist tools like Propaganda
sharing fairy tails ... these are the same dudes who invented Rudolph and Santa
^another solid string

speeches, Mass media, press releases, they gon tell us we owe money then send us 2 Extra Visa's
^another bar that flowed perfectly

giving out Cash advances, to a brother in debt?? when i can barley cover the rent?
hope the Lions Cover the bet ... living pay cheque to pay cheque and still looking for change under the vents
^like the imagery you protrayed here.

and still some others brothers convinced? ... elections are tool for manipulating the powers that be
but really ... what does a Coward achieve ??? eventualy they get swept away, Devoured, deceased
^^ dude i was sold on this piece from here on out

once the truth is spoken the accused are noticed ... bruised n broken, Abused Ferocious
karma's a bitch, and here's a cliche that finally fits ... break from the binds of the predicessers
can the lectures, find a canadate that can relate ... find us an inteligentlly advaned succeser
someone who can withstand the pressures not only command the troops
instead of war, form a front line in the oval office .... then advance them tooo
desinigrate the legislative council, kill the secretary of defense and kidnap the presedent
i mean, theres even prolly a similar story in the bible ... right around the old testement
but if your still wondering what the messege is?? ... everything they've told you, Worked!
just remember .... don't trust or praise the ANYTHING, OR ANYBODY .. with out getting to know them First
^this was all good great imagery, great message solid drop

Far as this verse goes it was FiYaARR, loved the whole piece enjoyed the read.. didn't fall off on flow or level of rhyme that was started..Some lines were just perfect.

[Quix]

thanks Def ... your feed and breakdown is much appreciated. Drop a couple links you want me to feed Fam.

[-ChessBoard-]

" these are the same dudes who invented Rudolph and Santa
speeches, Mass media, press releases, they gon tell us we owe money then send us 2 Extra Visa's"...that's my fav bar right there,this is a Good read man...nice stuff,I dig how you stayed consistent and on point.One of the best pieces I've read since I got here,I definately agree with Def with sayin some lines were just perfect!lol,swear I could see erthing before me as I read,great imagery man!Props fah this !

[ Post made via BlackBerry ]

[Ambiguous Realm]

dope shit, it'd be flawless if your spelling wasn't so hideous, other than that, near perfection

[Alvin]

I've walked a fine line since my day of birth tryed many times to escape the Earth
plenty fine minds strived N survived to make it work, but for me memories just make it worse
For me, the "Survived" threw off the flow, but MAN what you said is good as hell.

but Past in Nicest, when you finally figure what matters, and put the wortheless Facts behind u
Amen Muther Fucker.

they gon tell us we owe money then send us 2 Extra Visa's
It is fucked up how they do that... YO, YOU OWE A SHIT TON, UP TO YOUR NECK IN BILLS< BUT HERE'S SOME VISAs TO MAKE IT WORSE, ENJOY.

karma's a bitch, and here's a cliche that finally fits ... break from the binds of the predicessers
I prolly liked this line the least... You said here's a cliche that finally fits: (excited to read the cliche) but it felt like a dud, like a real better cliche should have been placed here.

don't trust or praise the ANYTHING, OR ANYBODY .. with out getting to know them First
Another strong line right here. Dope. Good for a closer.


AS for a closer though, well writtens seem to have a conclusion in the closer that ties into your introduction. In this case i rather felt like intro/conclusion were two very different things... intro to me was a realization of yourself, and footsteps you walk erroneously, but as it progressed, it became do we really want these leaders, then in conclusion led to only trust who you know... Overall a well written piece, but that would be only REAL complain, in my brain in failed to complete a circle if that makes any sense to you.

[Kau the Lion]

dope shit, it'd be flawless if your spelling wasn't so hideous, other than that, near perfection

denigrate the legislative council, kill the secretary of defense and kidnap the president
i mean, theres even prolly a similar story in the bible ... right around the old testament

This was probably the only bar I wasn't feeling. Flow was pretty good, but like Evo pointed out, this could benefit from some proof-reading. I like that you stayed on point through out the whole piece. and you definitely raised some valid points.

Fav bar:

and still some others brothers convinced? ... Elections are tool for manipulating the powers that be
but really ... what does a Coward achieve??? eventually they get swept away, Devoured, deceased

[Quix]

thanks for the feed. all critques are welcome as well!!

and i went and 'spell checked' my verse for ARCH ...sort of. lol

[MonuMental]

Here's what it is, homie.

I've walked a fine line since my day of birth tried many times to escape the Earth
plenty fine minds strived N survived to make it work, but for me memories just make it worse
suffering from spells of Absent mildness accompanied with spontaneous acts of Kindness
but Past in Nicest, when you finally figure what matters, and put the worthless Facts behind us

Sick opener, my guy. Some clever multies thrown in here, and relevant content, which is what the serious reader craves. Props.

giving out Cash advances, to a brother in debt?? when i can barely cover the rent?
hope the Lions Cover the bet ... living pay cheque to pay cheque and still looking for change under the vents
and still some others brothers convinced? ... Elections are tool for manipulating the powers that be
but really ... what does a Coward achieve??? eventually they get swept away, Devoured, deceased

I can definitely relate to this, man. Been there, still there, in fact. Last line was crushin.

once the truth is spoken the accused are noticed ... bruised n broken, Abused Ferocious
karma's a bitch, and here's a cliché that finally fits ... break from the binds of the predecessors
can the lectures, find a canadate that can relate ... find us an intelligently advaned successor
someone who can withstand the pressures not only command the troops
instead of war, form a front line in the oval office .... then advance them tooo

These two and a half bars had excellent sense of flow, again with some nice multies, but above the technical aspects I'm consistently drawn in by the truth of your words and the meaningful content. Nice, man.

but if your still wondering what the message is?? ... everything they've told you, Worked!
just remember .... don't trust or praise the ANYTHING, OR ANYBODY .. with out getting to know them First

The last bar of the closer here was definitely a nice way to draw this piece to a close, you spit fire and truth through this whole piece, something for which I salute you. Props. Stay up.

[Quix]

Thanks Monu ... thats whats up! lol

Appreciate all the feed

[probablyTreed]

wow man, def got my attention, makes me think i gotta strive to be better!
i think everyone else already pointed out specifics, shits good man

shits inspiring

thanks

http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/2-mor ... 24709.html

[Quix]

thanks for the feed Treed

[Kuhlerblynd]

Nicely done. Most political type pieces can be redundant, but this one just brings what you have to say to the table, and you delivered it well. I would have to agree with Kau, honestly. The message here is clear though, and full of facts and truth that most turn the other cheek to... Great drop Quix.

[Quix]

thanks Murk


Thanks for all the views and feed.

[FatalX]

I'm gonna have to say the Visa line is def the nicest out of this peice.....def on point as far as flow and I enjoyed reading this ....your style kinda throws me off beat a lil but I picture it clearly....this was def the best peice Ive read since Ive been back...good job....