Welcome to Illest Lyrics forum established in 2005.
----
Free Vapes

Under the Surface

Drop your written rhymes in one of the largest collections of original rhymes on the internet. The feedback in our Written Rhymes section will simply amaze you.

Moderators: Loon E Lou, Enlightend

Post Reply
User avatar
Defiance
Rap King
Offline
Posts: 946
Joined: Thu Feb 03, 2011 3:31 am
Wins: 10
Losses: 13
Location: boise, Idaho

Under the Surface

Post by Defiance »

strangled by my surroundings, compounding stress
turn on the news and what i found was death
no amount of rest could conquer my mental fatigue
needing sleep smoking weed, oh, if my pencil could see
the devils in me corrupting me slowly from the inside
i confide in others and find that they only chastise
these black eyes pear perilously constantly chasing
facing evacuation of patience from all the stalls and waiting
stating what i see in front of me as a hurtle to leap
i feel like a shell in a rabbit race while the turtles asleep
the word on the street is not enough to slow my roll
i walk the roads but its hard when the tolls my soul
what i sold was gold but it quickly fell an deteriorated
feeling angered at the world falling to inferior statements
my interiors vacant feeling emptied cold and worthless
trying to purchase the gold thats under the surface
to nervous im pacing in circles trying to walk the line
i can unwind the clock but i can never stop the time
i mock my mind talking shit to myself with no pity
some times i feel like were fucked like my whole city
its so shitty but i can usually find the light in the dark
but its hard when your drowning and in a fight with sharks
Image
Image

Sound click page
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default ... dID=918703

One of Illestlyrics Best Collaborators 2011
User avatar
QwarterZ
Rap Professional
Offline
Posts: 1688
Joined: Thu Oct 29, 2009 7:01 am
Wins: 4
Losses: 9

Re: Under the Surface

Post by QwarterZ »

this was pretty cool the multis were on point as usual really flowed well together the piece stood out nicely though I think you did your thing goooood..nice job my dude keep writing

[ Post made via Mobile Device ] Image
User avatar
MonuMental
Hairy Scoundrel
Offline
Posts: 528
Joined: Fri Feb 18, 2011 9:09 pm
Location: Leland, MS

Re: Under the Surface

Post by MonuMental »

Man, you keep fucking dropping bombs everytime you post. It's fuckin fire, dude. I have no pointers, just a request for more work soon. Real shit.
[center]Peel back the facade and behold a bold insanity,
With no repose or vanity, composed of inhumanity.[/center]
[center]Image[/center]
[center]Image[/center]
[center]Image[/center]
[center]Illest Awards For 2011:
Text MC of the Year- MonuMental
Class of 2011- MonuMental, Enlightend, 3rd String, CBK, and Pest
Writer of the Year- MonuMental
Written of the Year- MonuMental 'A Series of Unfortunate Events'[/center]

[center]a-series-of-unfortunate-events-vt23866.html[/center]
Omnie
Elite Freestyler
Offline
Posts: 353
Joined: Sun Aug 29, 2010 4:27 am
Wins: 6
Losses: 8
Location: Los Angeles, CA

Re: Under the Surface

Post by Omnie »

Overall a good piece...though I thought you started way stronger than how you finished...felt like you used too many "but's" towards the end...


i can unwind the clock but i can never stop the time

^^^ liked that line right there. Simple yet effective...

[ Post made via Mobile Device ] Image
Image
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down!!!
Post Reply

Return to “Written Rhymes”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 5 guests