Starving

[Shawnmd]

Feedback is accepted, regardless of what kind.
how do you expect allies when you just rankle?
stand tall walking in, leaving with a twisted ankle,
writing on any type of surface is chief,
all your fake beefs bundled up inside a sheaf,
you act like you hate chicks, but you write love ballads,
all your bars are like junk food,but you like to eat salads,
like puberty, my style grows and alters,
popping up on the face of hip hop and never falters,
your doing stuff on the streets? doesnt sound credible,
actually im guessing what you wrote, its not legible,
i write nuclear weaponry, but my pens not uranium,
how can you be an animal, you've got no cranium,
think you can beat me? ill just have descendants,
leaving yours to local business, selling cursed pendants.
i have worked hard on my craft, humped like a camel,
you'v bitten so much, you left residue of enamel,
since you think your place is hot, into the hearth,
things will only get worse if your wearing a scarf,
hip hop athletics, your falling off the high beam,
olympics, your hanging with big dogs like shyheim.

http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/darkness-vt21503.html
http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/saved ... ml#p167211

[M-Mature Boy]

it has good flow and rhyme scheme.

"like puberty, my style grows and alters,
popping up on the face of hip hop and never falters,
your doing stuff on the streets? doesnt sound credible,
actually im guessing what you wrote, its not legible"

those were my fav. keep up good work bro