Topical Battle:Grimm vs thedevious1

[Grim]

The topic is 8-10 bars(16 to 20)lines...Writing from a prisoner of war's point of view...48 hour due date...good luck bro...please vote ya'll

[thadevious1]

aight cool I'm gonna start writing today
hope I'll have my verse up within 48 hours

[Grim]

It's night time but lit up from brilliant flashes..
Exploding into a murder of militant masses.
There's bodies everywhere amongst cinder and ashes.
Is this the climax or are we just beginning the madness?
Shots coming from the right..move to the left.
BOOM! Grenade concussion..I'm losing my breath.
It's going black,it ain't my time,"I'm refusing you Death!"
Lights out!..Wake up in a daze confused and offset.
"What the fuck happened,how did I get in this room?"
The last thing I can remember is a click and boom.
I think it's a cell as far as I can tell.
There's someone coming down this corridor of hell.
My cell door opens with two armed guards screaming.
To get up and follow them now I know I'm not dreaming.
This is my nightmare becoming a reality of danger.
It's hard to focus with this mixture of fear and anger.
Why did they move me from my cell to this empty hanger.
What's that hissing sound and smell?DAMN..it's a gas chamber.

may I rest in peace

[thadevious1]

The Time is 11 sharp, 2011 some thing I think
After 29 years in mental lock up, dates mean nothing
Imprisoned in a matrix of tricks, but refusing to give in
Camera’s watch my moves, when ever I’m talking
Even on the web, it’s like they’ve been listening in
I cant keep my thoughts to my self, fuck the system
We’re all P.O.W.’s, in this modern way of living
“History doesn’t count for anything” that’s what I told my brethrens
Our sky’s are filling with decease, it’s better to keep your breath in
Misleading ya world view, most nanotechnology is already real fam
The world is unlike anything, international corruption got me pleading
I’m preaching and praying, for this unholy world, to come to an end
F.T.W., I put it on my children and there children’s children
I'll break free from the tyranny, drowning us in debt and confusion
I need to open eyes before my time comes, in the white mans land
Cause all I see, 's chickens heads, buried in the sands of time friend

[32neilz]

Both were excellent, 2 completly diffrent points of view, but I found grimms more easy to read, nicely ryhmes with good structure, Thadevious1 came from a diffrent angle I wasn't expecting, and was really deep, hard to call but imma go for grimm
Grimm+1

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[Flowetry]

VERY close but I will have to give it to Grimm as well, loved both verses though. Nice Topic pick as well.
Vote=Grimm

[Grim]

I like the way you went too, Devious it was nice conept

[Loon E Lou]

Dope topic first off. Both of you went in on this. One more than the other though. Grimm, you came with a nice opener, nice flow to the piece, and painted nice imagery. Your words landed real well which polished the flow. Devious, this is one of the firat pieces ive read from you, not disappointed at all. Your structure kinda threw me off, but still came good. You went with a different aspect to the situation, which wasnt bad, but didnt really paint the picture like grimms.

Flow: grimm

Imagery: grimm

Storyline: grimm


Bottom line, grimm gets my vote.

Dope job fellas

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[thadevious1]

grimm won it

good job Bro

[Trizz]

firstly, i was lookin forward to reading this - Beautiful topic selection. Secondly, both the verses were interesting. Grimm was dope as usual with his power vocab and multis. Devious' verse- it's rather rare to end that verse on a positive note.
Grimm, his verse was easier to read. So, it was a better rap verse overall.
My vote- Grimm.

[thadevious1]

I think grimm had a nice structure
and I used to much inner rhymes
my first language isn't English but that isnt a excuse
I should've done better