Shoot me down!

[JiMMyJaM080691991]

[video]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WpeXpd6qsCE[/video]

Shoot me down!


watch me as a i come, watch me with the gun/
gun is my mouth, i'm loading bullets with my tongue/
flow so energetic, rhyme so sick i need a medic/
they said he needs help shit forget it man what if we get it/
what if we catch it, the kids batshit but yet he laughing/
yeah laughing, we need some holy water he can take a bath in/
he must be possed,trapped in head he hasnt slept/
eyes blacker than death, we need to get this kid to bed/
but he's obsessed, with the game, possessed by the game/
obsessed with his name the money and the fame/
but still he remains nameless/
but whats the point if having a name if youll always remain faceless/
he wants to get close enough to to taste it/
thats why you see him gobbling up all the magazine pages/
so he sits in his chair with his pen/
trapped in a verse that never ends/


They say the pen is mightier than the sword/
so ill take a whole country with my verse Man fuck a war/
and you know im way too high to count but fuck the score/
and you know i aint goin down so what we fucking for/
and fuck that i aint from here/
i feel like i was born to this shit man i belong here/
cos im doper than weed,smoker of trees/
climb up inside your eyes you need to be opening these/
and im older than she, but younger than him/
put he and she together it still aint enough to win/
and im on the highest level, become a trancended being/
engulfed in flames yet my heart contiues beating/
like a monk when im speaking,no drunk when im speaking/
never lose my head your sliver bullets are weakened/
co I aint no lycan im a lion king/
and I made my bed so now ill lie in sin/

so fuck a dicitonary. cos im the bible/
I let my ego spread so get your rifle/
and try and shoot me down, take my life yo/
but im fine bro i got 9 of those/
and you know what your so adverse/
and like a toys r us sign you are backwards/
your in my rear view mirror,on the last turn/
try to teach me shit but im past learn/
try to reach me bitch you get your ass burnt/
cos im first, and they are last/
earn big as the world ad its full of ash/
and you cant mimic my gurth you aint gettin past/


last verse is a little wonky. could not get past that damn break in the beat threw me for a loop.

[QwarterZ]

I thought this was cool, your syllable count is uneven
unless you were trying really hard to stay with the beat
which is cool maybe I'm reading to fast, or the flow didn't touch me
other then that your first verse was cool till the middle
which had me thinking you were just freeing that part
and it really got on some Wayne shit, but you shined a bit here and there
the point of it is to keep a constant on what your doing
the 2nd verse was nice through most spots...nice flow here and there again
but I think the 3rd part was your strongest part..
kind of simple but still came out strong...
keep writing!

[JiMMyJaM080691991]

ive spit both 1st and second verse they work fine. u cant tell just by reading but there are breaks and shit between lines.