Sunshine! (feedback)

[JiMMyJaM080691991]

[video]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=91RpF0ZmVJo[/video]


So bring out the sunshine,it's bright when some rhyme/
i got the punchlines when it comes to crunch time/
i'm hot like summertime, i give ya sun burn/
rhymes ill teach ya some of mine but how do the dumb learn/
come crashing down to earth like a meteor/
climb my way out of the dirt like a bettle or/
an arachnid, the kid everyone want to rap with/
well that is if the even knew he could rap shit/
but instead hes slept on like a matress/
so he just gets the matches and lights the fat bitch/
untill its hotter than he is, and he is/
so hot that its hard to freeze shit/
but still he goes unnoticed/
he stays frozen, but it aint cos he rhymes the coldest/
its cos know one knows him/
he so pro shit but he got know one to flow with/
but thats okay he sits in his head with his imaginary friends and a world that ever ends/
each friend as smart as he and endless fantasy/
of birds bees tress and even dragons if you please/
and he does please, he feels such ease/
he feels THE breeze, so lovely/
cos they love me and they trust me/
they dont cuss me they dont shove me/
he's in complete control, no gatekeepers toll/
to pay if he wants to enter tha gates/
and the breeze is cold but the ice will scold/
fire frozen over he skates like its a lake/
he can walk on the sun he can dance on the moon/
but why walk when you can fly on a spoon/
He can drive through the water he can swin through the sand/
cos in his world there is no such thing as land/
he's a one man band, an eagle with fangs/
on the cover of of a magazine covered in fake tan/
on tv sings his song the all wavin there hands and afterward he thanks his fans/
doesnt go back to no transit van or no cheap motel/
its 5 star only or his peeps will get hell/


http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/open- ... ml#p163624
http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/justice-vt20717.html




anywayz its not done but hopefully you can tell what im goin for here. just realy working on trying to paint pictures and tell stories.


feedback plz.