Precursor

[MonuMental]

My words will be a precursor to verse ya in executing murder,
Eradicating for thrills as blood spills wit bullet inertia,
Annihilating a population of hip hop hypocrites,
I'll be the speaker of the floor like Im in hip hop politics,
An intolerant labotomist brainwashing the masses,
In a class of faster rare breed lyricists administering slashes,
To the tire's of the main stream from deep up under the grasses,
Underground like corpses feelin chronological ravage,
I'm more savage than a nation of Native American cadavers,
Reanimated, runnin with tomahawks held high into battle,
The indifferent clatter of gunfire on a radical's clavicle,
Incites laughter as your trach rips and cranium shatters from,
The force of my insanity captured and bottled at random,
Poured on the paper and shoved into your face like an exam glove,
Evaluating your mental state when you finally wake up,
From a MonuMental skullfuck that's fucking you and ya life up.



http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/where ... 20706.html

http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/movie ... 20702.html

[stayTRUE07]

I'll be the speaker of the floor like Im in hip hop politics,


A yesh yesh y'all, to the beat y'all.

[Alvin]

My words will be a precursor to verse ya in executing murder,
Eradicating for thrills as blood spills wit bullet inertia,
flows nice and rhymes are on point, but as an opener for what im about to read is rather vague. Unless its another "im hard core and your not" topic.
Annihilating a population of hip hop hypocrites,
I'll be the speaker of the floor like Im in hip hop politics,
speaker "of" the floor or "on"? i can see the witty punch line, but better wording would have made this more effective.
An intolerant labotomist brainwashing the masses,
In a class of faster rare breed lyricists administering slashes,
the first line reads like your forcing rhymes, and you misspelled "labotomism".
To the tire's of the main stream from deep up under the grasses,
Underground like corpses feelin chronological ravage,
how does a corpse feel ravage exactly? lol. cool concept, but i would have like to read something about a car to further the conscienceless wordplay on cars, "faster", "tires", "slashes", etc. cool wordplay points to pull stuff off like that.
I'm more savage than a nation of Native American cadavers,
Reanimated, runnin with tomahawks held high into battle,
nice imagery and word usage. No complaints.
The indifferent clatter of gunfire on a radical's clavicle,
Incites laughter as your trach rips and cranium shatters from,
whats "trach"? and again nice display of vocab, and using "from" as your next rhyme with a smooth crossover.
The force of my insanity captured and bottled at random,
Poured on the paper and shoved into your face like an exam glove,
i like the simplicity of the punch. Especially noting a dictionary might be needed for some to understand it thus far.
Evaluating your mental state when you finally wake up,
From a MonuMental skullfuck that's fucking you and ya life up.
your closer should have landed harder, nice name flip, but the punch fell short.

Pretty nice display of talent, but as an audio artist, like you said you were, i would love to see this delivered on track. Although i think it'd be rather difficult. Even though the subject matter was higher than par, I'd like for you to note this is an exhausted subject. Nice read, but a topic I've read 1000 of times before. Not being a dick, just shedding light. Keep at it man. Copyright it lol.

[infinite9]

not bad but pretty stale imo. wording was good and rhyme scheme was good but i just can't help not to feel a topic that's overdone. it wasn't bad but it just isn't my type. if you have a topic like this, for me it's either dope or nope. there has to be something... hmm... special with it that totally makes it separate than the rest.

but honestly, it wasn't a bad piece at all. keep it up bro.

[MonuMental]

@ PD, I appreciate the feed bruh, I'll be noting some of those things, although I did mean to use the word Lobotomist--the surgeon which performs the act,
@ infinite, appreciate it bruh, I feel the same way as both of you at times about the subject matter but you know how minds can be going off on tangents, thanks again for the feed!!

[FatalX]

My words will be a precursor to verse ya in executing murder,-strong intro
Eradicating for thrills as blood spills wit bullet inertia,
-inertia=good word
Annihilating a population of hip hop hypocrites,
-nice line
I'll be the speaker of the floor like Im in hip hop politics,
-nice line
An intolerant labotomist brainwashing the masses,
-great
In a class of faster rare breed lyricists administering slashes,
-decent
To the tire's of the main stream from deep up under the grasses,
-ok
Underground like corpses feelin chronological ravage,
-ehh
I'm more savage than a nation of Native American cadavers,
-nice
Reanimated, runnin with tomahawks held high into battle,
nice visual
The indifferent clatter of gunfire on a radical's clavicle,
once again nice visual
Incites laughter as your trach rips and cranium shatters from,
-good
The force of my insanity captured and bottled at random,
-??
Poured on the paper and shoved into your face like an exam glove,
-ok
Evaluating your mental state when you finally wake up,
-decent
From a MonuMental skullfuck that's fucking you and ya life up.

good closer

this is by far the read from you I have enjoyed the most...good job

[JiMMyJaM080691991]

that was an intresting read.

[MonuMental]

Thanks Jimmy and Fatal, as previously stated, Imma get back at ya wit a breakdown!!!

[QwarterZ]

Very interesting, your more on the lyrical aspect
I really like your twist on words, and how you place them
sometimes they were off but I get the idea of what your doing
it really kept the momentum going as far as straight lyrical ish goes
nice piece my dude!

[MonuMental]

Thanks bruh, I appreciate it.

[Elite Punisher]

damn....../ that was one really great read 5 stars