where I go

[FatalX]

(I wrote this this morning with a couple cups of coffee...just felt like writing you know all feed is appreciated)
I bring the type the shit that makes a man ponder life//
its that same type of shit that makes me wonder why I write//
cause I'm.....kind of hype,but at the same time I'm not//
you see I....live a life,that was made for slanging rocks//
but I....left the block,in search for my Goliath//
by no means David,I just love to fight with Giants//
so I......travel on,to my next destination//
some call it babylon,I call it grand central station//
but you've probably come to know it,as the place they made the Matrix//
where the media's monstrosity,is in the way they say shit//
.............face it,----->I go where death lives//
you got an anecdote for that,if not then step kid//
I am restless,...........won't stop till the war is ON//
want blood on my hands,like villians in a horror show//
thats why I forward those.....,thoughts for you to process//
and nah I'm not telepathic,I just believe that I'm Godsent//

I Feel
24 liner.. Worth recording?
^^^^^^posted feed on these^^^^^
*********this was written fairly fast so uhm yeah********

[SLA]

thats why I forward those.....,thoughts for you to process//
and nah I'm not telepathic,I just believe that I'm Godsent//

to me it feels like i was kinda forced but other than that

good job bro

[Alvin]

I bring the type the shit that makes a man ponder life//
its that same type of shit that makes me wonder why I write//
ok opener, but you should really watch your spelling, or lack of spelling out words, cuz im pretty sure your missing a word in your first line. Its also rather repatative, coming up with a different way to say "type of shit" would have interested me more.
cause I'm.....kind of hype,but at the same time I'm not//
you see I....live a life,that was made for slanging rocks//
The approach on delivery can saound dope, but your word choices are not the best. (dont admit freely that you slang rocks, make me guess as the reader).
but I....left the block,in search for my Goliath//
by no means David,I just love to fight with Giants//
thought process is cool aswell as rhyme transition, but the concept could have been an awesome punch, like "they should call me david, the way i slay them giants" or something.
so I......travel on,to my next destination//
some call it babylon,I call it grand central station//
By this point, im rather guessing this to be a spoke pice rather than a rap
but you've probably come to know it,as the place they made the Matrix//
where the media's monstrosity,is in the way they say shit//
Nice to see a lengthy word like "monstrosity", but i was almost expecting a double rhyme off of that or something.
.............face it,----->I go where death lives//
you got an anecdote for that,if not then step kid//
This line throws me off, almost like you placed the periods (...) just to make it look like the structure is solid. But the way that reads throws me outa whack.
I am restless,...........won't stop till the war is ON//
want blood on my hands,like villians in a horror show//
I dont know man, i fully lost the rhyme scheme by this point. Who want blood on their hands? and show and ON dont rhyme in my head, could be wrong though...
thats why I forward those.....,thoughts for you to process//
and nah I'm not telepathic,I just believe that I'm Godsent//
I can see how you wanted this as a closer, but something tells me you could have come a lot harder than this.

Not a bad piece, but some room for improvement. Im sure OMNI, and Deception will help you along with the crew. Just keep at it man. Dont be discouraged.

[FatalX]

yeah alot of people have trouble understanding my writing style.....
....=a pause in my breath
,=half step of the bar
//=one bar

the way I write is ready to transition to vocal recording that way if I leave a peice alone I don't have to go back and try to figure out the way it sounded the first time around...also it allows me to reflect on the piece when I do go back to see whether or not I need to scrap it...I guess that would be a problem because I tend to use my voice and my verbal tones to emphasize certain things and positioning pauses etc etc...i think by this point what I really need to work on is transition my vocal peices to text for the forums you know