Hip Hop Forum

I'm testing fate, check to see how much a message weighs/
My brain's a weapons crate I'm destined to try to open/

Like sculpting beaches with the sands of time on my private ocean/

Life's the brail version of the Rubix Cube, you just gotta feel it out/

Shane Ruckus wrote: Pendulum state of mind, thoughts click like a metronome/
Back and forth with the yes and no's, its never set in stone/

Good opening. Alot of direction with this...

The list of questions grow since I over analyze/
Liqour's the best cologne but there's a sober man inside/

NICELY done. I like how the flow is kicking off as well. Definitely something that can be spit out loud easily...

The stoner pantomime, my mind deserves a separate stage/
I'm testing fate, check to see how much a message weighs/

Direction hasnt really taken a turn yet, but the mood is set, and the lyrics are solid. Interested to see where it goes now...

My brain's a weapons crate I'm destined to try to open/
But when I pry, something inside denies the motion/

Ah, now I see wheere this is going. The imagery and flow seem to fit so far also. Now Im thinking this should have been a longer piece, but I havent finished yet (obviously).

I try to describe what its like when my mind is focused/
Like sculpting beaches with the sands of time on my private ocean/

Imagery is great. Really, some of the best stuff I've seen you write with imagery so far, and on a topic that is wide open for people to relate with. Good stuff.

Or designing hope with nothing more than a group of words/
Producing the truths of earth so the youth can prove it works/

Man, I think you could have tied in some wordplay somehow with the Earth bit of this. Otherwise, see above.

The endless pursuit and search for the meaning of life and death/
Just an enlightened guess, but its simpler than we might suggest/

Right, I get all of this. It's like asking yourself a purpose. The thing with this piece is, you aren't giving an answer you have came up with, and that's leaving this piece a little open ended, hurting its overall quality IMO. The way it's written though, is fantastic. Definitely one of the most down to earth pieces (haha) Ive read from you.

Don't mean to frighten guests, but I won't conceal the doubt/
Life's the brail version of the Rubix Cube, you just gotta feel it out/

Ah, and by the closer, I ended up being wrong, which makes this even more compelling. Honestly, ending it like this feels to me like you should have had some irony tied more into the beginning. Not that you didnt have any, but just to give that hint. I did like how you ended it, your flow was on point throughout (and you know you have that on lock), plus your bars tied together very very well. I'm glad you pointed this one out to me fam. Nice to see something from you besides in the shoutbox. Over-all - 8.3/10

Kuhlerblynd wrote:

Shane Ruckus wrote: Pendulum state of mind, thoughts click like a metronome/
Back and forth with the yes and no's, its never set in stone/

Good opening. Alot of direction with this...

The list of questions grow since I over analyze/
Liqour's the best cologne but there's a sober man inside/

NICELY done. I like how the flow is kicking off as well. Definitely something that can be spit out loud easily...

The stoner pantomime, my mind deserves a separate stage/
I'm testing fate, check to see how much a message weighs/

Direction hasnt really taken a turn yet, but the mood is set, and the lyrics are solid. Interested to see where it goes now...

My brain's a weapons crate I'm destined to try to open/
But when I pry, something inside denies the motion/

Ah, now I see wheere this is going. The imagery and flow seem to fit so far also. Now Im thinking this should have been a longer piece, but I havent finished yet (obviously).

I try to describe what its like when my mind is focused/
Like sculpting beaches with the sands of time on my private ocean/

Imagery is great. Really, some of the best stuff I've seen you write with imagery so far, and on a topic that is wide open for people to relate with. Good stuff.

Or designing hope with nothing more than a group of words/
Producing the truths of earth so the youth can prove it works/

Man, I think you could have tied in some wordplay somehow with the Earth bit of this. Otherwise, see above.

The endless pursuit and search for the meaning of life and death/
Just an enlightened guess, but its simpler than we might suggest/

Right, I get all of this. It's like asking yourself a purpose. The thing with this piece is, you aren't giving an answer you have came up with, and that's leaving this piece a little open ended, hurting its overall quality IMO. The way it's written though, is fantastic. Definitely one of the most down to earth pieces (haha) Ive read from you.

Don't mean to frighten guests, but I won't conceal the doubt/
Life's the brail version of the Rubix Cube, you just gotta feel it out/

Ah, and by the closer, I ended up being wrong, which makes this even more compelling. Honestly, ending it like this feels to me like you should have had some irony tied more into the beginning. Not that you didnt have any, but just to give that hint. I did like how you ended it, your flow was on point throughout (and you know you have that on lock), plus your bars tied together very very well. I'm glad you pointed this one out to me fam. Nice to see something from you besides in the shoutbox. Over-all - 8.3/10