the less fortunate at christmas time

[Deception]

to many people in this planet we all call home/
celebrate christmas but what about those all alone//
those less fortunate, those who dont get the feast/
its a time for giving but humanity is a sick beast//
those starving or homeless just get the cold and shame/
a pain in the stomachs of many in the freezing rain//
many complain they didnt get what they wanted given/
to them, when the souls are decetfull and evil ridden//
its not what was given, its the thought that counts/
stress free time of year, that hurts like boxing bouts//
just sit down and think, we celebrate the birth of jesus/
a guy with no grudges, who died on the cross for all of us//
so we could better ourselfs,but some dont get the oppatunity/
ill just spit on behalf of the less fortunate of our comunity//
so when your sat there opening presents spare a thought/
to the ones whos dream is family the are bound to sought/
for,but ill wrap this up and stick the lesson uder the illest christmas tree/
dont take life for granted, as things can happen that neither you or me can forsee//

[Momeijah]

Played subject, and it was average up until:

just sit down and think, we celebrate the birth of jesus/
a guy with no grudges, who died on the cross for all of us//

That bar made the drop and greatly helped it come together. Until then there were a lot of swings and misses to me personally, like lines I started off with high hopes then felt let down with in the end. But the bar I quoted did a good job explaining ur mentality, and the rest of the drop was a lot better than the 1st half to me. Still, not bad at all man.

[Deception]

thanks moe

[sylent]

Concept was cool but I've seen it times before not sayin it was bad just played out I think u could have put a lil more feeling behind it give ppl a visual description but good shit overall

[ Post made via Mobile Device ]

[The Man]

Not bad, a lot better than your last one. Keep working at it.