Desires

[Orfadox]

I Dream Vividly But Of These Are Based Upon The Near Impossible Reality Of Me Living Free
So Im Smoking Trees While Hoping These Thoughts Will Transform Into Something I Can Reach
So I Spread My Wings And Fly High Towards The Sky While I Take A Look Back At My Life
Nose Dive Into The Past Times See What I Can Find Trying To Correct The Wrongs And Make Things Right
Done Some Stupid Shit Some Crazy And Illegal Things But My Lifes Like A Rat Race That Im Losing
So Now Im Like The Turtle With This Pace Its Moving Slow And I Just Cant See The Movement Improving
Getting Lost In Turmoil Finding These Days Its Difficult To Smile Wide So I Hide My Pain With These Eyes
Engaged In These Lies Hard To Find Where The Truth Flys So I Keep Praying Until This Pain Dies
Cos Its Like I Got My Own Personal Cloud Following Me Cos Lifes Like A Monster Thats Swallowing Me
Devouring Me Whole Consuming This Grief Along With My Soul So Now Im Just Begging To Be Set Free
Released From This Grasp And At Last Escape The Clutches Of This Evilness That Happens To Be Life
Exstatic That Im Finally Free From The Claws Of This World Ironic That All It Took To Break Away Was A Knife

[FlipSide]

Seems Like A Good Message But Bars Are Way Streched Out For Me.. I Dunno If It Would Shound Good In Audio Or If You Would Chop It Up But I Dunno... Message Seems Cool.. Simple Though... I Would have To Listen To it ..Also I Think People Will Bore Easily If You Dont Load It Up With Some Word Play..Multies And Metas... It Seems Ur Stile Of Writing Is to Have Long Bars.. And On Most Of Ur Drops It Works Out Nicely.. I Would Like To See This Finished..

[Dana Riot]

Yeah the bars were long but the way it was structured kept a good flow imo. Maybe it was the way I read it? haha

It's short but overall I'm really feeling the subject. I'm sure everyone can relate to it on some level, and you put thoughts and feelings to text nicely which can be hard. The subject is quite common however, so I hope you keep it that fresh when you finish it.

[Orfadox]

Thanks For The Feed...Yeah Flip I Know The Lines Are Abit Stretched To Shorten Them A Bit But It Didnt Really Seem To Have The Same Effect

[IntrinsicCadence]

Alright, all in all this is pretty solid. The rhyme scheme was simple but had a nice flow about it. These the kind of lyrics that'd parallel a nice reflection on where ur at in ur own life, and I can definitely appreciate that kind of motivation when goin in to write a piece. So lyrically I like the message your bringin a lot. I think your last few bars are your best, they seem to pack some more vivid emotion behind the words, made it feel more energetic and interesting to read.

[Orfadox]

thanks for the feed....think im gonna write some more lines and get this up in the creation chamber

[ Post made via Mobile Device ]

[QwarterZ]

yea this was a cool little piece
kinda weird with the lines...but at the same time
it really just flows smooth...I don't know though
maybe it's the vibe you give off that takes it off a bit
I like it though, interesting, but needs a bit more
either way keep writing brah!

[Orfadox]

thanks for the feed....il be sure to return the favour

[ Post made via Mobile Device ]