Judgement Day - Fallen & Forsaken Pt. 1 Of 5

[- Mutual -]

Scared......Shadows.......
......This Is Where Your Nightmares Become Reality.....
......And Reality Is But A Dream.......

It's Closing In Evolving To Corrupt Where Minds Fought
Eruption So Time Taught The Seduction Of Blind Thoughts
An Induction Of Lines Saught To Fill The Gaps In The Road
An Attraction Exposed Laughin As It Keeps Trapping My Soul
Walking On A Path To See You Glancing At My Torn Up Feet
But Strong Hands To Envision Where I Once Tore Up Streets
Stood Way Beneath Me Yet Still Staring Down At My Position
Glaring At My Suspiscion Paired With Mounds Of My Addictions
Coerced Into Darkness I Was Thrown From The Clouds
Broken I Lay Still In Plain Sight Yet Still Hoping I'm Found
Choking On Sounds Of My Pride As It Moves Through My Throat
Lodged In And Stricken Off Beside As A Fued Is Evoked
Wings That Were Once On My Back Now Reside On The Floor
Providing The Horns Sat In Flames I Watch Them Die As A Sport
Entwined To Work With A Job And Decline A Furnace Of Sods
In Time I'd Realise I Was Annointed, Divine, The Purpose Of God
But I Was Cast From The Light, With Fault To Hell I Just Fall
Still I Perseveered, One Day I Would Exhalt My Self Above All
But First I'll Devise A Plan if It Works I Wont Persist
But I'll Marvel On My Trick, Will The Planet Know I Dont Exist?
Lifted Because Of My Beauty Just Seizing In Likeness
I Slowly Corrupted The Wisdom By Reason Of Brightness
What I Once Was in Your Eyes Simply A Completed Circuit
But You Banished Me To Nothingness, Cause Nothin Is Perfect
The Love We Once Shared You Bestowed Me A Favour
My Plans Weren't For Evil, Were Best Known As A Saviour
Shadows Brought Fourth Was It Worth The Destructed?
Was It My Job, To Protect The Very Earth I Corrupted
Through Transgression Of Sin Was It Truly All In This Feeling
He Protested The Thing That Turned The Fallen To Demons
I Was The Favourite Savoured To Neighbour This Land
Adam Took Top? NEVER! So I Brought Sin To The Nature Of Man
Delivered Into Chains, A Harness That Cant Feign To Darkness
Strange? I Was Born Perfect,Unaccepted Proclaimed A Target
Banished In Flames, Never Knowing The Scar Engraved In Sea's
Was A Leader, I Left One Third Of Your Army Came With Me
They Knew You Were A Pathogen Portraying Ascension
Then You Send Down Your Son In Hope Of Saving Redemption
Beaten & Bullied I Was Trying To Survive What I've Taken
I Soon Realised To Give Up,Cause In Your Eyes I'm Forsaken

I Aint Goin To Tell You Who Is Reading The Story I Wanna Know If You Can guess it But yeah the story is on going......all feed will be returned

[Kau the Lion]

I think it's pretty obvious who is reading this. Lucifer. Either way, this is a nice piece. The flow is pretty much perfect. The imagery and language really stand out, too. I'm interested to see where you go with this.

This was probably my favorite line but there are really so many:

Lifted Because Of My Beauty Just Seizing In Likeness
I Slowly Corrupted The Wisdom By Reason Of Brightness

[IntrinsicCadence]

Nice written Mutual, you use your language well. This was a long piece, but kept on point with the flow, which makes it even easier to stay interested to what ur writin. U got a real writing talent man, and u got plenty of time to continuing cultivating it, and I'll keep readin. The one thing I could suggest for continued improvement is maybe elevating your level of imagery to make the scene of ur story pop out in the reader's inner eye. Lookin' forward to part 2 of this series...

[Ambiguous Realm]

definitely a dope ass drop, a few parts the flow fell and some of the wording was weird but it was hardly noticed, if i had to guess who was reading this i'd say lucifer, if im wrong then i have no fucking clue, but the flames and fire brought in kinda depict that, you mention him having wings at one point and being banished, mentioned he's against god as u say his son was brought as a saviour, i mean like kau said it all seemed pretty obvious lol, i somehow imagined you playing his role however but a damn good read this was, props on the elevation


ps* u forgot the r in your when you said your nightmares become a reality

[- Mutual -]

thanks for the feed much appreciated and yeah of course it's Lucifer it wasnt supposed to be difficult to get lol but some people i showed it to didnt which was odd but yeah anything you want feed on link me and i'll get on it, also Evo the R is there *wink wink* lol

[Momeijah]

Yeah, Devil drop lol. I liked it you can hold a flow a lot better than you used to and don't stack in as many pointless words/rhymes. I could follow the story easily and the perspective on a lot of lines was cool.

But I'll Marvel On My Trick, Will The Planet Know I Dont Exist?

Was It My Job, To Protect The Very Earth I Corrupted

^Fav lines, keep it up.

[Kuhlerblynd]

Damn man, this shit is fucking dope. I like the imagery and the wording made the flow so smooth. The whole idea and concept is cool to work with, and Im sure you can make this into a very interesting series. I enjoyed the whole piece throughout. What I liked most is how you basically say you know Lucifer knows hes wrong, but still doesnt quite understand it... And the ending of the piece leaves the reader wanting more. Nice.

[- Mutual -]

thanks for the feed Dom & Murk much appreciated, i'm sure the next chapter will be here within a week maybe long to create suspense but i hope to keep it on this level if not better.....

[FlipSide]

Mutual has been one of the better writers on this site since i joined. Still, everytime i read a new joint i see a lot of improvement. The vocab flow and story all together are close to flawless. I really like this type of topic when it comes down to it. Even though its seems touchy to some i feel that mutual has a skill set that allows him to deliver on this properly.

It's Closing In Evolving To Corrupt Where Minds Fought
Eruption So Time Taught The Seduction Of Blind Thoughts
An Induction Of Lines Saught To Fill The Gaps In The Road
An Attraction Exposed Laughin As It Keeps Trapping My Soul

This right here is almost perfectly flowing to me... only when u ended with road i felt a small drop but a transition would have been too much in that case.

Coerced Into Darkness I Was Thrown From The Clouds
Broken I Lay Still In Plain Sight Yet Still Hoping I'm Found
Choking On Sounds Of My Pride As It Moves Through My Throat
Lodged In And Stricken Off Beside As A Fued Is Evoked
Wings That Were Once On My Back Now Reside On The Floor
Providing The Horns Sat In Flames I Watch Them Die As A Sport

This Imagery right here is movie like to me.. Very dope description to the point where i can envision it. Nice usage of the first point of view which the bible or any other story relating to this event to my knowledge have not portrayed in this manner. Id say theres also a thin line when u sacrifice flow for imagery but u did it just right here.

But First I'll Devise A Plan if It Works I Wont Persist
But I'll Marvel On My Trick, Will The Planet Know I Dont Exist?
Lifted Because Of My Beauty Just Seizing In Likeness
I Slowly Corrupted The Wisdom By Reason Of Brightness
What I Once Was in Your Eyes Simply A Completed Circuit
But You Banished Me To Nothingness, Cause Nothin Is Perfect

This right here again re states what i jus said.. u take the first person point of view to another level.. I mean really good shit..also seems like u did some home work. That last bar is really speaking from within. But the second line on this first bar fucks with my mind kinda like the bar rip (Illaborate) has on his sig.

Shadows Brought Fourth Was It Worth The Destructed?
Was It My Job, To Protect The Very Earth I Corrupted

Seems Distilled To Me ...Dope Bar! Makes Me Want To Write For Real.

Delivered Into Chains, A Harness That Cant Feign To Darkness
Strange? I Was Born Perfect,Unaccepted Proclaimed A Target
Banished In Flames, Never Knowing The Scar Engraved In Sea's
Was A Leader, I Left One Third Of Your Army Came With Me

That First Bar Again..Good Flow. Second bar Shows The Knowledge Of The Topic.. Good Shit

Beaten & Bullied I Was Trying To Survive What I've Taken
I Soon Realised To Give Up,Cause In Your Eyes I'm Forsaken

Seems Like an Ending Here.. Or A Contradiction Or Maybe More Characters Will Be Brought Up Cuz I Havent Peeped The Next Drop..But Im Def Itching To Read It Now...

As for a written drop its dope. Def the best drop ive read since..... well a while. It also has a lot of imagery and decriptive flow in there that could almost make this a distilled to me... All in all this will be a series i will look forward to reading. Hope they all are as good as this drop famo.. Big Ups

[- Mutual -]

deffo thanks for the feed Flip, anything i can do for you just get at me no problems

[GeneralTrife]

Wings That Were Once On My Back Now Reside On The Floor
Providing The Horns Sat In Flames I Watch Them Die As A Sport

Hot Line...
Yeah, The collab is ill.