my first shared written rhymes

[weezy10]

lol try to be easy on my guys

ll stab you with the end of a broom, then throw salt in the wound!
did you hear that? im a f**kin bafoon.
i smoked so much tree with mike boon,
i hope we didnt stink up the room.
my flows are wrekless,
so keepin talkin b***hes you know you wanna sex this.
dont think im easy just because i dress neat,
one shot,
one kill,
you dead at my feet.


my rhymes are sick like slick rick with slit wrists.
im so gutta,
but im a d-boy so i got the bread and the butta.
i like peanut butter sandwhichs with fluff-a-nutter,
F**K your mother.
im so complex because theres no contest

[Riggz]

are you a girl or guy? I sense you're about... I don't know 13-14? That way I can cater my response. My expectations can be changed depending on how you answer the two questions above.

[RainMan]

i think a 13year old boy who listens to wayne all the time..
Sorry bro, Not diggin this at all

[weezy10]

i think a 13year old boy who listens to wayne all the time..
Sorry bro, Not diggin this at all

for the record im 25 and ive never written before. its just stupid shit to pass the time. im sorry im not jigga lol im JUST starting out

i also listen to a wide range of music from bun b to immortal technique not alot of lil wayne at all anymore..hes gotten to cocky

[Riggz]

i think a 13year old boy who listens to wayne all the time..
Sorry bro, Not diggin this at all

for the record im 25 and ive never written before. its just stupid shit to pass the time. im sorry im not jigga lol im JUST starting out

i also listen to a wide range of music from bun b to immortal technique not alot of lil wayne at all anymore..hes gotten to cocky

With that being said, I would suggest digging deeper into what you're trying to convey when you're writing. I reviewed both of your posts (the Sunday one and this one) and they both seem a little elementary. We're all grown ups here (at least most of us are) so you expounding on your vocabulary won't lose anyone here until you become more diverse. It's ok if you're just starting out, but take a look at some of the posts here in the scriptures and you'll find that the educational level doesn't dip too far below 12th grade, way past rhyming words like "bafoon" and "room" or "neat" and "feet".
You may want to invest in cd's such as Kenn Starr, Talib Kweli, and even NAS.

bottom line: Elevate

Regards,

Papa Riggz

[QwarterZ]

word man you need to work on the structure
and lay off the recycling....soon as I read the beginning

I KNEW I heard it....LoL! either way you didn't recycle the whole thing
I still dig it tho'....but using that BEGINNING line
and sayin' your NOT jigga.....smh LoL! keep writing my dude
peep what's round, figure out what works for you
keep writing, whether your 25 or 13 there's always room for improvement