My Marriage Contract

[Yomommaspimp]

This is what i'm going do to if i ever get married again. I'm going to make whoever i marry sign a damn contract. this is how its going to go....

I ________________, am going to marry yomommaspimp, On the day of __________________. This contract binds me with specific rules to take care of my better half(like no shit better half). The contract states that.....

1) I Will not have no access to any financial pay in any circumstance of dissolution of marriage. Seeing that the break down of our marriage wasn't him it was me. It's all my fault.



2) I will not in anyway mess up his credit score. Not following this rule will automatically be imprisonment for 10 years.



3) I will get a degree (or certification) from the "F.C.I" (French Culinary Institute) before marriage. Knowing he wants an iron chef babies mama. i must abide by this.



4) If i lie or never introduced him to my mother and she's jubba the hut's stunt double. I will be automatically be liable for emotional damages brought unto him by my bad genetic code. Seeing this rule is tarnished i will automatically jump in front of a speeding train and kill myself Or i will do anything to keep myself looking like my mother upon the rival of yomommaspimp jr. If he grants this.



5) I will support him in anything he goes through, including his drinking habit. if i disagree i will properly bring this subject to him seeing he is a fair man and is willing to listen to me. If i make sense.



6) I will not resemble in anyway his ex babies mama. If I do or try to impersonate his "enemy". I will be automatically set in front of a firing squad of designated marksmen. during this exciting turn of events, I will be dressed exactly like his "enemy". To give him the pleasure of seeing both of us die. "Two birds with one stone" will be yelled a second before the deed is done.



7) I will think he is the greatest thing since french toast. If not, I will think of something better. yomommaspimp CAN read my mind.



8. Upon his arrival of his hectic work schedule. He will get his head and tummy rubbed following these crucial moments of love and affection i will repeat this phrase "Your a good boy arent you, yes you are, your a good boy yes you are". failure to do this will be followed by training drills.



9) Upon my monthly ovulation cycle (transformation from human to lycan/ork). I will lock myself in a room to keep my PMS from being unleashed unto him. He will provide me with water and bread, till i become human again, I will be locked in this room.



10) I will laugh at all his jokes even if those jokes hold hardly any humor.



11) I will either be a virgin or have at least 4 partners before him. One of those partners will be my hand. Seeing he doesn't want to feel like he threw a Oscar mayor wiener down a hall way. i will abide by this. Lying or withholding information will violate line 6 as well as this one. Punishment by firing squad with M249 SAW's followed by being thrown into tank filled with great white sharks while bleeding out.



12) I will not be unintelligent. I will have a college degree. if none applies to me, i will immediately enroll into college. Before or after marriage is obtained. seeing he loves me he will help me with whatever ordeal i will come across by.



13) I will be able to provide for myself financially. meaning i will have a job as well to help reach the top of financial success. Violation of this line is also a violation of line 6 and possibly a violation of line 11 (upon further investigation 11 will be left out of the punishment until confirmed). punishment is a firing squad with flame throwers.



14) I will not be a "Pre-Madonna" 24/7. Meaning i will NOT buy $100,000 purses for no reason and other things i really don't need and will probably never use. Knowing i will be spoiled either way if i follow all the other rules.

Violation of this line is also a violation of line 6. Punishment is death by firing squad with 50. caliber sniper rifles, while playing soccer on the free way with the speed limit of 90 mph with a team of suicide bombers protecting the goal post. Seeing this is a forgivable mistake if I make a goal, I will be given a second chance.



15) All bitching will be kept to myself. Failure to do this is violation of line 6. Punishment is death....i can't say its the worst of them all....Death by Chuck Norris.



16) I will make sure my yomommaspimp is in shape by reminding him to PT. Saying he got the body of a Greek god. Feeding him the right way. Rubbing his Head and Tummy. If he doesn't Work out he will be punished with high sexual activity. there is no punishment for this line. Seeing its all on yomommaspimp.



17) I will call him "Papi" cause he thinks that's sexy.



I will abide by all these rules stated in this contract. Violation of all these rules will be death by firing squad in Abram Tanks, with suicide bombers strapped to me, in a very large body bag filled all sort of stinging insects. Followed by the phrase "It's all my fault."

Following this He (yomommaspimp) will detonate the suicide bombers the second the tanks fire. If some how I'm still alive because i love him (yomommaspimp) so much. The tanks will proceed on running my corpse over and over again till he (yomommaspimp) gets bored and I am lifeless. Payments for all these punishments will be paid by myself only. If not paid, any sibling alive will incur all this debt because "its all my fault."




X_______________________
Verify Signature






X_________________
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[Cuttin P]

Wow lmao

[Lotus]

Lmao good read. especially number 9 and 15

[Mrz.Git Bad!]

LMFAOOOOOOO propz, this is toooo jokez, good read homie!

[unome]

damn, sounds like the ex took you for a ride man... hahaha makes for a good read though.