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The Path to Forever

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Speechless
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The Path to Forever

Post by Speechless »

Enter at your own risk
this doesn't sound like a diss
it all started in this ditch
you'll be listening on a disc
Chess is the game that i play
i learn through my ways
when i see you i will wave
i think as much as my weight
Ball until i fall and get up
Ducks all around that puck
quit being a punk
been training since i was a pup
Jump that rope for more balance
i use no bullets
keep reading more booklets
count all the votes of the ballots
Peace is the only reason
Police seize on sight
always read the signs
quit changing by the season
Question nothing that i say
i turn water to wine with grape
This session has been great
i will add color to your gray
Talk now that we are together
i ball like Chris Weber
your just a fashion cloths wearer
the storm was just the weather
One more time until we pass
my thoughts you cannot grasp
the air taste good so gasp
let's smoke that grass
Assist you in all i do
Keep telling the truth
Please Ally all the troops
That's something you already knew
Good hearted you were
i showed up as a new transfer
boil the water and stir
i know last night was a blur
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F.A.M.E.
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Post by F.A.M.E. »

Decent piece. This could use more creativity, metas, & multis (will boost your flow if done right) though. Keep elevatin B.
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complexity
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Re: The Path to Forever

Post by complexity »

Speechless wrote:Enter at your own risk
this doesn't sound like a diss
it all started in this ditch
you'll be listening on a disc
Chess is the game that i play
i learn through my ways
when i see you i will wave
i think as much as my weight
Ball until i fall and get up
Ducks all around that puck
quit being a punk
been training since i was a pup
Jump that rope for more balance
i use no bullets
keep reading more booklets
count all the votes of the ballots
Peace is the only reason
Police seize on sight
always read the signs
quit changing by the season
Question nothing that i say
i turn water to wine with grape
This session has been great
i will add color to your gray
Talk now that we are together
i ball like Chris Weber
your just a fashion cloths wearer
the storm was just the weather
One more time until we pass
my thoughts you cannot grasp
the air taste good so gasp
let's smoke that grass
Assist you in all i do
Keep telling the truth
Please Ally all the troops
That's something you already knew
Good hearted you were
i showed up as a new transfer
boil the water and stir
i know last night was a blur
I have a mixed reaction about this piece.

A lot of the wordplay comes off as very weak.

"i learn through my ways
when i see you i will wave
i think as much as my weight
Ball until i fall and get up
Ducks all around that puck
quit being a punk
been training since i was a pup"

On the other hand, you tell a good story.

I'll give it a 6/10 for lack of creativity.
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