just 4 bars, please rate!

[Lil Phlat]

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heres a quick 4 bars for my first drop here, please crit


i stay ill on tha scence, like a pair of classics wit hot-strings
i stay chill wit a beam, cuz like middle easterns i dot-things//

i murk so many dudes, they should call me "lil-phlat-line"
everyone says im spineless, but im just ill-wit-no-spine//

you claim to touch paper,but they call me mr.lex-mark (lexmark)
even if you in ya scraper, i suggest you sex-smart//

cuz id hate to tell ya, but you already got a disease
Hatin In Vain(H.I.V.), n i dnt want it dawg so get off of ya knees //

[precise]

im not gonna rate this but ill give ya feed
uve got rhymescheme n structure happennin which is good

i stay chill wit a beam, cuz like middle easterns i dot-things//
^^^decent punch

second bar was a good concept but the rhymes were off
"lil-phlat-line" "ill-wit-no-spine" the extra syllable throws it off

overall it was nice for a first drop, uve got potential

[Def-init]

feedback link


heres a quick 4 bars for my first drop here, please crit


1# i stay ill on tha scence, like a pair of classics wit hot-strings
i stay chill wit a beam, cuz like middle easterns i dot-things//

2# i murk so many dudes, they should call me "lil-phlat-line"
everyone says im spineless, but im just ill-wit-no-spine//

3# you claim to touch paper,but they call me mr.lex-mark (lexmark)
even if you in ya scraper, i suggest you sex-smart//

4# cuz id hate to tell ya, but you already got a disease
Hatin In Vain(H.I.V.), n i dnt want it dawg so get off of ya knees //

Some nice multi's in there bro.
#1 Was funny and I liked it a lot.

#2 Seemed a little forced for text. But the msg got across to the readers

#3 I wasnt feelin that at all.

#4 This bar had a lot more potential then it turned out to be.

Overall dawg not bad. Keep workin at it bro. I would like to read more.

[Lil Phlat]

thnx for tha feed dudes

[$incEar]

it was decent yo ..need alot of work..ya flow is solid..but again..& I Cant stress this enough..its the wordplay homie...
also, I Didnt really understand the 2nd line..maybe i'm missin somethin completely but uhh...it just dont make no sense to me in a concept ...its a ok flip of the former concept ..switchin the words around & gettin that wordplay in..i see that..but it still dont make no sense...in anycase...just keep doin ya thing homie..