Love Song(untitled)

[SlickMex]

http://illestlyrics.com/board/that-s-ga ... t4070.html

Verse 1
Every time I see you I see a reflection
Ricocheting ya radiance with famine perfection
Ya eyes are like the skies they could neva tell lies
A woman like you is hard to find, I realize
But I hold my tongue back from the feelings I posses
I'm trapping the passion now my soul can't rest
But it's fine,it's aight it's just a part of life
this is what my heart desires, to find a wife
But that's future and it's so far away
I'm just dwelling in the present living for the present day
And presently right now, girl you got me spun
But I'm afraid if I tell you, you'll jus poke fun
I just listen and observe your mental mind's curve
I don't really wanna girlfriend but ya make my thoughts swerve
But now I confused I ain't sure what I really want
And when I look at you and try to chill n act nonchalant
when really all I'm thinking about is what we could be
when I'm holding you in my arms and callin ya baby
It's turning my vision hazy and my mind turns lazy
I never thought a woman, could so easily phase me

HOOK
I hold myself back, Stay Cool And Relax
But having a girl like you is what my life really lacks
me n u together is like the perfect fit
but then again all i wanna do is just quit
in the end we could just both be friends
Cuz if I tell how I feel, we might not speak again
I might cross the line,might fuck it up
But if I don't try my mind stays stuck

Verse 2
You'll prolly even hear this, but ya wont put it together
It's you I'm rapping girl floating like a feather
Floating down so slowly your smile trickles my mind
Looking into your eyes slows the hands and sands of time
It's okay, see? Just read between the lines
Your name's in this stanza I'm dropping hints and signs
You'z a real fine woman, with real fine class
this is the future girl, let go of the past
What's killing me is your boyfriend don't seem to appreciate
What-it-is about-you, that makes you so great
But whatever, I'm used to it it's my life's fuckin story
can't get a chick unless I act more like cory
And your mind never know what my passion might show
I think it's really shitty but it's the way it's got to go
haven't had a real girl since my days at ross
hope your getting the message that I'm trying to put across
I wanna tell you everything but it's something I can't do
That's why I'm taken the time, to write a song for you

HOOK
I hold myself back, Stay Cool And Relax
But having a girl like you is what my life really lacks
me n u together is like the perfect fit
but then again all i wanna do is just quit
in the end we could just both be friends
Cuz if I tell how I feel, we might not speak again
I might cross the line,might fuck it up
But if I don't try my mind stays stuck

[SlickMex]

Lovin the feed

[Lawgix]

leave a link where u posted feed on somebody elses verse in scriptures...

[SlickMex]

uppin

[SlickMex]

WooHoo

[~Symbolikull~]

its way long, but ill read it tomorrow and leave some detailed feed for you aight!!!!

[urbanhistory]

thas some deep shit yo even tho on paper it mite no look as good id like to hear the shit on a audio..

[~*Blitz*~]

Yeah it woulda come across better on audio but it was still a good piece, seriously long but worth the read. Coulda been more complex with the content. I was feeling the hook for sure - the whole thing got your point across - nice shit!

[complexity]

Best shit I've read today. Especially the second verse. Its nice to read a drop like this. Basically refreshing. You had a hook, a concept. You stuck on it. It came across very real.

A few more metaphors would have helped this piece come alive.
Some wordplay maybe.

I liked the chorus too.

Like I said earlier. I felt the second verse a lot more then the first one. Though they were both needed.

Overall the drop could have been a little more lyrical. You don't want the story to seem so simple that a little kid could have wrote it.

So try to get a little more complex. Other then that. Good shit.

8.8. I would rather see something like this. Then just a pointless drop. That's my personal preference.

[SlickMex]

Thanx for the feed..

[Kurse]

This here is a really good written. I like this.

Strongest point would definately have to be the hook...definately by readin it...i can tell this is sumthin that would be stronger as an audio...ya know.

I don't go through the writtens very often...just from time to time...but I ain't gonna lie young blood. This is the best one I've seen so far. So I'd agree with Plex on this one...a very strong scripture. Good job fammo...keep up the good work.

[SlickMex]

Thanks fam..imma record it one day..i jus wanna make this a great song n aint rushin it..ya kno..

[SlickMex]

Thanx for all the feed..but can i get more so i can make this better..pls..i'll return the favor..

[MesaR]

yeah slickmex this was a solid peace it could have been more complex and some stronger points would have made it more strong it was still a good drop man nice nice...good work fam uppin for more feed

[LadySam]

awww all this for meee YAY lmao
jkin jokin b4 sum1 has a heart failure on me
nice little song there mate