Poem For America

[Lawgix]

this isn't patriotic at all!!!!
its just how i see this country right now

check it out

agree to disagree ya'll!!!

america is the land of the free
the home of the brave
then why are we still trapped
in a land where we slave
where were born to live
and we live to work
work to survive the world
cover our backs with a shirt
then we work until we can't work anymore
we work so hard, sometimes we hit the floor
when we've hit the floor, then were shown the door
retirement, relaxation who could ask for more
america is filled with democracy
the drama that we don't see in the white house d.c.
stands for divided capitols
disrupted critizisim
and dividen cannibles
also known as the I.R.S.
who would do anything for money, even point a gun to ur chest
send police to ur house, repo all ur valuables
treasures that are accumulated some given from such cases as charitable's
or inheritables, they hold it for ransom in ur position
ur caught talkin against them, denying all types of requisitions
can't hire a lawyer to fight what he protects
so i suggest, picket signs, loud voices n freedom neglects
america is the country were they crafted the draft charade
then they catch alot of americans doin a draft dodge
can u blame them? if they don't want to go they got rights
to get trained for 2 weeks, then die in one night
thats murder, have u ever heard of it?
yeah its illegal in this country but ur referring it
to protecting our free land, when nobody gives a damn
president bush, whacks off with his right hand
cause hes wrong half the time, on the subject of politics
i think he either did alot of lines or partied way too much in college
yeah did u hear about his father?
got him and a friend out of the air force, now whos the draft dodger?
see, what alot of politicians over in washington they think know but they don't
is that u send other parents kids over there, just by writing them a note
but if ur sons are drafted, all u do is write a different note
cause u think their sending their kids over there NOPE!
they won't so mommy n dad buy their kids another porche
so they can sit on their ass at home, while work is not forced
throw million dollar parties that they could fit on their front porch
have celebrities over, n think their the greatest, when their nothin of the sort
their just people like everybody else
only they got somethin that alot of others don't, their wealth
see this is what america is all about
if ur rich ur invted in, if ur poor stay the fuck away from the crowd
cause u don't have the finances to get on a yatch
so i say burn the bitch up, let em cry all they want
cause they can just go back tomorrow and buy another one from a lot
while ur at their house jackin every other thing that they got
bought with money thats more illegal than crack fiends on the grind
sayin yo give me that rolex so i'll always know the time
yeah this sure is the land of the free
but if its free, then why isn't gas that cheap?
oh thats right republicans own all the oil business
so they can fatten their pockets with our hard earned dividends
while they take a day off of work while we bust our asses off
to tighten up their check books?, thanks alot bush, well done jack off
but see i'm not a stupid dumb ass like cheney for God sakes
while he was huntin with his buddies he shot his lawyer friend in the fuckin face
then spent 3 days inna bed, while cheney suckered up
then bush butted in and decided to pucker up
and buttered up the fuckin lawyer so cheney wouldn't get sued
then the lawyer in an interview said he'd go huntin with him again DUDE
mr cheney is obviously a murder suspect
cause he tried choke bush with a pretzel he gave him at a party banquet
bush is more clumsy than gerald ford
and laura is embarrased at the fact she married a stupid dork
then movies protray him as the God of all americans
nah more like mr bush is the king of all embarrasements
yo watch the movie loose change bout september eleventh
that it was the government that killed half of our own people not terrorists
but yo thats america welcome to it
i'm out, one love, freedom of speach ya'll its the movement

go to google n click on videos n type in loose change second edition... it'll make u think...

again agree to disagree

21

[-TraMaTiK-]

this whole pice was fireeeeeeeeee lol nice shit man...4 real it gt really good towards the end but overall shits blazin..nice drop -1-

[8th]

i wouldnt really consider this a poem. It was more a rap verse. It was decent. better at some parts them others. It was just a lil to simple. i understand the point is what was important, but i would have liked to see more multies and a better structure.

and i COMPLETLY disagree with damn near everything you said, but i can agree to disagree. [but if you would like to discuss, post somethin in the news forum or something]

stay up, and dont believe everything you hear.

[complexity]

I'll leave more feedback later. But seperating this into verses and adding a hook would have been cool

[Lawgix]

thanx for the feed ya'll... and 8th i see where ur comin from... but just take some time out n watch that video... its very self explanitory... n i think if some of the lines were shorter it could have been a song with the right hook tho lol but thanx for all the feed... keep em comin...

[~*Blitz*~]

he made alot of valid points

[Lawgix]

tyvm

[Spoof]

wow that was really good! fire fire I liked these lines the most:

who would do anything for money, even point a gun to ur chest
send police to ur house, repo all ur valuables
treasures that are accumulated some given from such cases as charitable's
or inheritables, they hold it for ransom in ur position
ur caught talkin against them, denying all types of requisitions
can't hire a lawyer to fight what he protects
so i suggest, picket signs, loud voices n freedom neglects

they won't so mommy n dad buy their kids another porche
so they can sit on their ass at home, while work is not forced
throw million dollar parties that they could fit on their front porch
have celebrities over, n think their the greatest, when their nothin of the sort
^^^^^so true!

oh thats right republicans own all the oil business
so they can fatten their pockets with our hard earned dividends
while they take a day off of work while we bust our asses off
to tighten up their check books?, thanks alot bush, well done jack off
^^^^ haha lol

[Lawgix]

lol... thanx for the feed spoof... yeah that last line i could have played with a lil more... but i decided against it... who knows i may go back later n change it... but thanx for the feed...

[Lawgix]

upiin 4 more feed i really wanna hear opinions on this one...

[Lawgix]

i was almost worried about postin this poem on here... cause i know people have different opinions on here... but... if anything just read it for the poetry n not the expression of my views... lol... well still uppin for more feed...

[LadySam]

i actually read this soo feel special ahaha..i liked it i think u nailed it on putting forward an argument and backing it up instead of jus saying stuff..im feeling the whole bush thing i dnt like him either haha..and the rich ppl part..they should get off there arses and help poorer ppl like charities and stuff but yea i guess to them theres more important things in life such an buying their dog the latest clothes..im not from america but i think australia is the same in that sense and yea it sucks lol..good job buddy
<3

[Lawgix]

lol thanx for the feed... its appreciated...