Welcome to Illest Lyrics forum established in 2005.
----
Free Vapes

hep

Drop your written rhymes in one of the largest collections of original rhymes on the internet. The feedback in our Written Rhymes section will simply amaze you.

Moderators: Loon E Lou, Enlightend

Post Reply
User avatar
FatalX
Lyrically Inclined
Offline
Posts: 147
Joined: Fri Feb 11, 2011 12:36 pm
Wins: 5
Losses: 3

hep

Post by FatalX »

I've faced death in many ways,but ain't been told that I'm FUCKED//
so Fuck you Fuck ME Fuck this World and this LUCK//
What the Fuck do you WANT,I ain't even started life MAN//
got me out here running the streets,feeling like some sort of HYPE MAN//
I guess I threw the dice and,gambled for real//
give a fuck if this text even holds.... appeal//
I just need to releive this tension I feel in my chest//
throat feeling like when slugs come in contact with vest//
what I feel is UNREST,I guess I'm lost in this PAIN//
got some bad news today,and with that Im ashamed//
Hepatitus,yeah the disease of the streets//
preventable.... ,my stupidity speaks//


Fuck YOU and any one who want to judge this......

Ill critique 2 other post as soon as possible...
http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/my-town-vt24935.html
http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/not-n ... 24854.html
Last edited by FatalX on Thu Dec 01, 2011 5:51 am, edited 1 time in total.
I CHANNEL all my ENERGY,
while my SPIRIT is SOLEMN//
you HEAR my WORDS in the STREETS-->
because I'm SPEAKING in VOLUMES//

I'm like the MEDIA with QUESTIONS-I never stop SHOOTING
so IF you really got a PROBLEM-we can make this EXCLUSIVE...//
Top
KING RUM12
Rhyme Master
Offline
Posts: 151
Joined: Wed Jun 15, 2011 7:55 pm
Wins: 3
Losses: 8
No Shows: 3
Location: WinDy CitY

Re: hep

Post by KING RUM12 »

oh ok...i dint get the title or what u were really talking about at first but when i read it and finished...i got it...pretty nice quick read and FUCK YOU TOO DAWG...
srry to hear u got that tho..
-_sarcastically speaking_-

Image
Top
User avatar
Kau the Lion
Boobs Indeed
Offline
Posts: 790
Joined: Wed Aug 04, 2010 8:58 pm
Wins: 29
Losses: 10
Location: Chicken Skull
Contact:
Contact Kau the Lion

Re: hep

Post by Kau the Lion »

Sorry to hear that.

As for the rhyme, it's ok. Nothing to special from a technical aspect. Obviously, a lot of emotion in it's content, though. Definitely worth reading.
Image
Top
User avatar
MonuMental
Hairy Scoundrel
Offline
Posts: 528
Joined: Fri Feb 18, 2011 9:09 pm
Location: Leland, MS

Re: hep

Post by MonuMental »

I agree completely with Kau. But fuck technicalities. You spat what you felt, and that more than anything really speaks volumes on your character. Keep your head up, bruh.
[center]Peel back the facade and behold a bold insanity,
With no repose or vanity, composed of inhumanity.[/center]
[center]Image[/center]
[center]Image[/center]
[center]Image[/center]
[center]Illest Awards For 2011:
Text MC of the Year- MonuMental
Class of 2011- MonuMental, Enlightend, 3rd String, CBK, and Pest
Writer of the Year- MonuMental
Written of the Year- MonuMental 'A Series of Unfortunate Events'[/center]

[center]a-series-of-unfortunate-events-vt23866.html[/center]
Top
User avatar
Dream
Dedicated Emcee
Offline
Posts: 99
Joined: Mon Dec 05, 2011 10:04 am
Location: East Coast, Canada

Re: hep

Post by Dream »

Damn.

At first, I was put off by all the "Fuck"'s,
But, as I kept reading, it became much more clear.

Short drop,
Full of emotion.
Pain..

Sorry to hear about this,
Always remember. Life goes on.

<3
[center]Image

Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.[/center]
Top
Glamtrash
Poetic Juggernaut
Offline
Posts: 1498
Joined: Thu Nov 22, 2007 3:42 pm
Wins: 0
Losses: 0
Location: Where the Treetops Kiss the Stars

Re: hep

Post by Glamtrash »

Ouch, dude.

No doubt.

[ Post made via Android ] Image
Top
Post Reply

Return to “Written Rhymes”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 5 guests