Persistence

[Shawnmd]

Feedback is what im looking for, would appreciate it.


And here we have the return of Hip Hops chosen,
the one who eliminates all those opposing,
the guy who tends keep all opponents frozen,
constantly dodging attacks while getting blows in,
we'll run you guys over slowly with mountain bikes,
you guys are the ones on facebook still begging for likes,
making empty threats that are taken back like sikes,
if they aren't your girls, why are you being gentle with mics?
this is for you information, make note of it,
original, you should a Hip Hop quote of it,
addictive? take a tot of it, don't think that I'm stopping you,
your my enemy, but I'm just focused on topping you,
I'm not like others, I don't go hard on the intro,
or act the industry, leaving you in limbo,
letting them portray you as a used bimbo,
complete darkness couldn't expose your thin glow,
so don't be dumb by dropping albums annually,
endurance will drain from your body gradually,
as I then casually, walk up just to finish you,
once the leader's gone, I watch the crew diminish too,
hard to get up? the last blow's why your meat shakes,
I set flames to your bodies, its my job to eat fakes,
now your skeleton's getting up? yo, for pete's sake,
oh, your just tired of this game, going on your beat break.


Beat used was kick in the door by Biggie.

If you dont know what beat break means, look it up on urban dictionary.

My reviews of posts:
http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/hazy- ... ml#p180996
http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/a-ser ... ml#p180997

[Defiance]

yo this was good man.. good flow good usage of multis

fav bars
addictive? take a tot of it, don't think that I'm stopping you,
your my enemy, but I'm just focused on topping you,


good shit man

enjoyed reading it keep rocking it my dude

[CBK]

you need to increase your line length to make this flow better, use some fillers if you cant think of dope multies other than the flow being off this is an aiiight post dude keep it up man. pm telling me what happened to my16 please shawn..

[Orfadox]

I Agree With Defiance On This Man The Flow Was Good And Definatly Had Some Nice Multis Thrown In There Too

[QwarterZ]

This was decent...I imagine it just being freestyled honestly
it just didn't wow me too much
although you did hold it down as far as Hip Hop representative pieces go
nice little vibe...smooth flow at points..multi's were eh..
but you know keep writing you'll get the hang of it

[Shawnmd]

Thanks appreciate the tips and good views on the post. Comeback, i really dont know what happened to my16bars. You to remember that nobody knows the people/person that created and/or managed the site. They probably just gave up on it. If you think your mad lol, i was getting pretty popular on there i had the number 2 post on there for a minute. Now i have to start over lol...

[CBK]

well i got ya man hit me up if you ever wanna collab/battle/advice feed anything shawn i got ya...

[MonuMental]

Yeah this was an alright piece. As noted above, nothing really spectacular, but nothing wrong with it either. You did your thing and no one can down on you for that. Keep writing and I'll keep reading.

[Kuhlerblynd]

I feel the exact same as MonuMental and Qwarterz. You should try to come with something more 'out of the box', and maybe put to use some metaphors and such. A good job, but still could use improvement. Keep writing!

[Audible Thought]

this is a solid drop, but i do agree with everyone else that its that kind of 'been there done that' type of verse. don't get me wrong though theres solid multi's and flow is on point when i read it