The Eye of the Beholder

[Kuhlerblynd]

ANYONE THAT FEEDS THIS AND WOULD LIKE ME TO RETURN THE FAVOR, I WILL GLADLY DO IT. JUST LEAVE A LINK OR LINKS TO THE PIECES YOU WOULD LIKE SOME FEEDBACK ON, AND I WILL GET TO EVERY ONE OF THEM! THANKS!

Honestly, I think this is one of the best, if not THE best, piece I have ever written. I spent ALOT of time on this one...I know that I have dropped a few pieces at once, but I really would like to hear any and all feedback...





You are witnesses to who this sinner~is through these sentences
From which my visions~shift by this pen~equipped with raw penmanship
Let's pretend~that~it runs OUT OF INK and the flow goes DOWN THE SINK
To accompany a DROWNING BEAT, one that has devoured the SOUND OF SPEECH
An ASTOUNDING FEAT, causing complete~silence noted by each~eye's~glimpse
Appearing to seek~silence, as if they know how to see~quiet
Read~my~lips, I need~my~fix, to dream~life~big and indeed~write~it
While opposing any mean~giants, GOBLINS AND ORCS, that FOLLOW A FORCE
Not known for being CONSTANT AND PURE, souls so HOLLOW AND POOR
Distruction among them, SWALLOWING SWORDS until TOMORROW'S UNSURE
This is how I BOTTLE THE CURE and find inner~peace to these endless~streets
Where it seems the winners~cheat, til they beat in the dismembered~weak
I picture it like November's~heat, how can we FACE IT? It doesnt MAKE SENSE
We're taught a path to TAKE THEN it's like those walls CAVE IN
For support we hide in BASEMENTS, realizing this isn't how GREAT MEN
Seemed to lead the WAY WHEN I was told~their~battles, so bold~in~travels
Going from holes in the low~of~castles to riding gold glowing~saddles
Forever remembered by history's oldest~capsules, supposedly to SET EXAMPLES
Pure hearts now are only LEFT IN SHAMBLES, society is IMPRESSED BY DAMN FOOLS
After all the LESSONS HANDLED, suddenly being a soul of DEATH IS BRAND NEW
I cant ACCEPT THAT HAND, DUDE... So I'll stick~my~chin~up and pick~the~pen~up
Maybe I'm meant to be in the wrong century, but who's going to lift~the~kids~up?
Are we changing now, since this shit~has~been~fucked? Teach 'em to be NIGHTMARES
Show them how never to FIGHT SQUARED, tell them there's no one who MIGHT CARE
Then we'll see how their LIFE FAIRS, no faith, love, end up in jail~as~drunks
Running around putting shells~in~pumps, destined to only self~destruct
Dont we see we've already failed~enough? Then laugh at those TURNING FOR HELP?
Running out-of-ink isn't so profound-I-think, I should keep my WORDS TO MYSELF...



Thank you for taking the time to read this...

[Defiance]

dude id have to quote this whole piece solid multis beastly lol


fav lines

You are witnesses to who this sinner is through these sentences
From which my visions shift by this pen equipped with raw penmanship
^wow good line shit hits man

Then we'll see how their life fairs, no faith, love, end up in jail as drunks
Running around putting shells in pumps, destined to only self destruct
^ sounds simple but i really liked this line the flow was on it ^


all i got to say is damn!!!

good shit bro.. you should think about getting a solid 60-70bpm track and rip this shit audio style

[Kuhlerblynd]

Thanks alot. I didnt expect feed that quickly lol. I really appreciate it bro. I tried to make it so that it would flow easily when read out loud by anyone.

[Enlightend]

Very nice... I loved the multis... and inturn was feeling the flow.... u really painted the picture of crisis with ur lyrics... I've seen this type of written many times but It felt refreshed here... good drop mayn!!

[MonuMental]

Ok, first off, I can't quote everything I want to. There's WAY too many sick lines for me to even begin quoting, I'll just say that this was beast as fuck, bruh. For real. No complaints. Keep em pushin like this.

[Shawnmd]

Thanks for rating my post. Since everyone's said multies already, ill just add that everything you were saying flowed well and made sense also.

My favorite part is

Forever remembered by history's oldest~capsules, supposedly to SET EXAMPLES
Pure hearts now are only LEFT IN SHAMBLES, society is IMPRESSED BY DAMN FOOLS
After all the LESSONS HANDLED, suddenly being a soul of DEATH IS BRAND NEW
I cant ACCEPT THAT HAND, DUDE... So I'll stick~my~chin~up and pick~the~pen~up
Maybe I'm meant to be in the wrong century, but who's going to lift~the~kids~up?

Seriously, good job i can tell you have experience.

Heres another post of mine
http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/time- ... 23956.html

[Kuhlerblynd]

I really appreciate all the feed! Thanks everyone!

Shawn, I'm getting to your piece right now.

[Mic S]

You are witnesses to who this sinner~is through these sentences
From which my visions~shift by this pen~equipped with raw penmanship
Let's pretend~that~it runs OUT OF INK and the flow goes DOWN THE SINK
To accompany a DROWNING BEAT, one that has devoured the SOUND OF SPEECH
Multis flowed well - imagery was dope - transition was nice, good use of wordage
An ASTOUNDING FEAT, causing complete~silence noted by each~eye's~glimpse
Appearing to seek~silence, as if they know how to see~quiet
Read~my~lips, I need~my~fix, to dream~life~big and indeed~write~it
While opposing any mean~giants, GOBLINS AND ORCS, that FOLLOW A FORCE
Not known for being CONSTANT AND PURE, souls so HOLLOW AND POOR
Distruction among them, SWALLOWING SWORDS until TOMORROW'S UNSURE
All the transition with the multis is good still, although - wording seems to be forced but it still flowed well, and your imagery is still a factor which your words are paintin a good picture
This is how I BOTTLE THE CURE and find inner~peace to these endless~streets
Where it seems the winners~cheat, til they beat in the dismembered~weak
I picture it like November's~heat, how can we FACE IT? It doesnt MAKE SENSE
We're taught a path to TAKE THEN it's like those walls CAVE IN
For support we hide in BASEMENTS, realizing this isn't how GREAT MEN
Seemed to lead the WAY WHEN I was told~their~battles, so bold~in~travels
Going from holes in the low~of~castles to riding gold glowing~saddles
Forever remembered by history's oldest~capsules, supposedly to SET EXAMPLES
Pure hearts now are only LEFT IN SHAMBLES, society is IMPRESSED BY DAMN FOOLS
Haha this was a dope piece right here, still hittin it well with multis nd transition still is solid... wording improved, still seems a bit forced in a couple spots.. but still strong emotion behind this bit and i feel this was my favorite part of the read
After all the LESSONS HANDLED, suddenly being a soul of DEATH IS BRAND NEW
I cant ACCEPT THAT HAND, DUDE... So I'll stick~my~chin~up and pick~the~pen~up
Maybe I'm meant to be in the wrong century, but who's going to lift~the~kids~up?
Are we changing now, since this shit~has~been~fucked? Teach 'em to be NIGHTMARES
Show them how never to FIGHT SQUARED, tell them there's no one who MIGHT CARE
strong emotion, good use of transition.. wording was good.
Then we'll see how their LIFE FAIRS, no faith, love, end up in jail~as~drunks
Running around putting shells~in~pumps, destined to only self~destruct
Dont we see we've already failed~enough? Then laugh at those TURNING FOR HELP?
Running out-of-ink isn't so profound-I-think, I should keep my WORDS TO MYSELF..
Flow was on point... emotion nd wording was on point!!!!... i dont think it ended well as if there should be more to be wrote, and for the reader to read,/ other than that nice

Good piece i think you nailed it on the head with your transitions and usage of multis.. wording was dope given a few spots were forced but all flowed well none-the-less.... the ending could've been ended on a more complete feel although not sayin it is bad, just felt like it coulda used a stronger emotion to end it, i did find it good though just not complete...

I think you nailed it on the head with this.. good drop.. enjoyable read.. keep doing you

[Kuhlerblynd]

Man, thank you for that feed. I really appreciate it!!!

[MonuMental]

You are witnesses to who this sinner~is through these sentences
From which my visions~shift by this pen~equipped with raw penmanship
Let's pretend~that~it runs OUT OF INK and the flow goes DOWN THE SINK
To accompany a DROWNING BEAT, one that has devoured the SOUND OF SPEECH

This opener instantly grabbed me by the nose and lead me into the piece smoothly, sick multies thrown in here.

An ASTOUNDING FEAT, causing complete~silence noted by each~eye's~glimpse
Appearing to seek~silence, as if they know how to see~quiet
Read~my~lips, I need~my~fix, to dream~life~big and indeed~write~it
While opposing any mean~giants, GOBLINS AND ORCS, that FOLLOW A FORCE

Stayed consistent here with the multi usage and the vocab was on point, as always. Nice imagery with goblins and orcs. It puts me there.

Not known for being CONSTANT AND PURE, souls so HOLLOW AND POOR
Distruction among them, SWALLOWING SWORDS until TOMORROW'S UNSURE
This is how I BOTTLE THE CURE and find inner~peace to these endless~streets
Where it seems the winners~cheat, til they beat in the dismembered~weak

These 4 lines went the fuck off, my guy. Deffo some truth being spoken here.

I picture it like November's~heat, how can we FACE IT? It doesnt MAKE SENSE
We're taught a path to TAKE THEN it's like those walls CAVE IN
For support we hide in BASEMENTS, realizing this isn't how GREAT MEN
Seemed to lead the WAY WHEN I was told~their~battles, so bold~in~travels

I love the end rhyming transitions you keep weaving into the last lines of these bars. Excellent flow.

Going from holes in the low~of~castles to riding gold glowing~saddles
Forever remembered by history's oldest~capsules, supposedly to SET EXAMPLES
Pure hearts now are only LEFT IN SHAMBLES, society is IMPRESSED BY DAMN FOOLS
After all the LESSONS HANDLED, suddenly being a soul of DEATH IS BRAND NEW

More dope imagery here. The emotional imprint of all these visions is deep. Fucking nice.

I cant ACCEPT THAT HAND, DUDE... So I'll stick~my~chin~up and pick~the~pen~up
Maybe I'm meant to be in the wrong century, but who's going to lift~the~kids~up?
Are we changing now, since this shit~has~been~fucked? Teach 'em to be NIGHTMARES
Show them how never to FIGHT SQUARED, tell them there's no one who MIGHT CARE

The first bar of this may have been my fav two lines of this whole piece. Especially the first, with 'stick~my~chin~up and pick~the~pen~up'. Fire.

Then we'll see how their LIFE FAIRS, no faith, love, end up in jail~as~drunks
Running around putting shells~in~pumps, destined to only self~destruct
Dont we see we've already failed~enough? Then laugh at those TURNING FOR HELP?
Running out-of-ink isn't so profound-I-think, I should keep my WORDS TO MYSELF...

Sick closer, but the last line took the cake, in my opinion. Excellent work here, my friend. You've delivered another awesome piece, so much respect on this here, bruh. Stay up.

[Kuhlerblynd]

Man, thank you. I appreciate the feed. I re-wrote and wrote this over alot. I can say this is one of the few pieces I appreciate reading, if you know what I mean. You deliver great work alot, and Im feeling the fact that you appreciate it!