Monkeyd Evolution.

[Enders]

The following is not my beliefs, and has the matter to offend someone, so if you're offended, well you're offended. This is for a topical battle.

My Pets' Pet

I never knew much about him
but we still live around them
stories he’d share and warn
about a race of gorillas and war
…
If gramps was alive, he’d hate it all
He said “Apes aren’t made to stand tall”
-2011-
evolution in its prime-state – 13 stars now 50 with a pri-mate
leading the way off his knuckles in a concrete jungle with pride caked
all over his race making the species stand straight – white man’s hate
now fuel to take over the world and plant stakes, so as the plan breaks
-2015-
the silver can roll off the backs as their shoulder strength
holds the gold the roles rotate, leashes at a shorter length
the white man now outcasts in their own estate
we secretly knew this outcome since the election of 2008
-2020-
I’m a white man, known as a porch monkey
I lost my brother cuz my owner wanted to scorch something
My life above all taught me just one thing
Keep your pets in check, the alternative is life altering

[Defiance]

i don't know if this is racist.. or not.

lol

but it was a visual story of the white man getting defeated
and a good rhyme non the less.. solid bro


but still is this about racism blacks vs whites or monkey (real monkeys) vs humans

[Enders]

the topic was "The World Has Been Taken Over By Apes"


thanks for the feedback

[Sir Kevin O Shea]

This kind of content is very risky and it also works. It grabs a person and makes them want to read no matter what they may be thinking. You have done your job as a writer.

[TreTru]

uhhm yeah it is racist..i do Diss's trust me...and yeah White Kids cant be Porch Monkeys..thats what they call niggers in certain parts of America..

To each their own cuz writing is an expression of creativity in wich you have total Freedom.
But yeah i believe most African Americans with a sense of Pride would be upset at the term Porch Monkey from a white guy..even though reading it carefully brings to lite that your just usin it as a punch...

as far as the Script goes...id say you did real good as far as portraying ya subject..some decent imagery ..and good Vocab..

[Enders]

i do Diss's trust me
^ and...

White Kids cant be Porch Monkeys
^ now that's just closed minded isn't it... lets see, there can not be a black president, we will not live past 2000, what else...

thats what they call niggers in certain parts of America..
^ thats prolly more racist than anything i said.

i believe most African Americans with a sense of Pride would be upset at the term Porch Monkey from a white guy..
^well its a good thing im not white huh.


Thanks for the feed though, and thanks 3rd, appreciate that from a fellow writer

[ Post made via Android ]

[TreTru]

lol Okay ..were you puttin this here for feed or did you want everyone to just agree with you?...

I’m a white man, known as a porch monkey
^^^
maybe i'm mistaken but this leads me to believe you R white...

Honestly First time i heard the ter was in a joke..the Second time,some dumb white kid thought it would be funny to call me that...hahaha..big Mistake!!

anyway tho...
i mean words are words but please recognize the terms you are using...I have never heard that term Used in a Posotive sense, seriously , and if you are really Not a white Guy, then you probably know why the term was coined...please do not insult my intelligence by assuming idk what im talking about...

The following is not my beliefs, and has the matter to offend someone, so if you're offended, well you're offended.
^^
i mean you obviously knew someone may get offended due to the content right?i wasnt even doggin you im just tryn to be real...

an my bad for even taking time to read this as i was only trying to help you out with feed...but if all you want is a cheering section ...i cant that just aint TRU!!! peace

[Enders]

Thanks tre, you said you gave feed originally and made a mistake, which is ok i guess, but i wasn't happy with the original feed of:

as far as the Script goes...id say you did real good as far as portraying ya subject..some decent imagery ..and good Vocab..

when i know your capable of better. Thanks for the honest criticism and all, and my bad you felt undermined, but i had to intrigue you in to real review some how. Thanks man.

[Enlightend]

My Pets' Pet

I never knew much about him
but we still live around them
stories he’d share and warn
about a race of gorillas and war

…
If gramps was alive, he’d hate it all
He said “Apes aren’t made to stand tall”

At this point i thought that this was gonna be a very simple keystyle... it is reading more as a story instead of a rap/poem

-2011-
evolution in its prime-state – 13 stars now 50 with a pri-mate
leading the way off his knuckles in a concrete jungle with pride caked
all over his race making the species stand straight – white man’s hate
now fuel to take over the world and plant stakes, so as the plan breaks

now the rhyme scheme started to pic up along with the lyrical content... the first line was sick... very creative and lyrical it made me the reader pause and think... then the next three lines gave quite the imagery... i pictured the scene as u laid it out

-2015-
the silver can roll off the backs as their shoulder strength
holds the gold the roles rotate, leashes at a shorter length
the white man now outcasts in their own estate
we secretly knew this outcome since the election of 2008

Now i start to feel the direction that the piece is taking and its very well done... im loving the way u took current events and infused them into the story... u could have painted the picture a bit more vividly... but it good regardless

-2020-
I’m a white man, known as a porch monkey
I lost my brother cuz my owner wanted to scorch something
My life above all taught me just one thing
Keep your pets in check, the alternative is life altering

the wording at first seemed rough in this section then it actually came together quite well it again made the reader think about what u were writing but gave incite to the true premise of the story... i was impressed by the amount of depth that u were able to put into such a short piece... yes the first few bars came off as simple but after reading the whole story it came together well and each section carried the one before it.... props man i liked it.... and did i think it was racist... no! not in my opinion... maybe it is a story of racism but the story itself isn't racist