Welcome to Illest Lyrics forum established in 2005.
----
Free Vapes

Ramblin' Man

Drop your written rhymes in one of the largest collections of original rhymes on the internet. The feedback in our Written Rhymes section will simply amaze you.

Moderators: Loon E Lou, Enlightend

Post Reply
User avatar
Kuhlerblynd
But I See Right Thru You
Offline
Posts: 2724
Joined: Tue Aug 17, 2010 8:04 pm
Wins: 43
Losses: 8
No Shows: 2

Ramblin' Man

Post by Kuhlerblynd »

Gotta finish shaking this rusty shit off... Aight, let me get some real feed on this please. Anyone that reads it, I would like to hear whatever you think about it, even if its two words. All feed will be returned...


Ayo...


I juggle rhymes then smother lines you might fucking write
Catch handi-cap emcees red handed with no muscle life, its Kuhlerblynd!
From where the sun dont shine, shady! and easily tell ya shook
I aint from Bama, but god damn ya quick to YEL A WOLF!
Death by injection but hell was booked, re-birth has begun
Satans emergence of an angel, I should reword that for some
An emergence of Satans angel who has what it takes to break you
Punches known to shake a maple, lookin' up as I say I hate you
Your craps out, play, I'll shake you, Im not shootin the shit
A Mason moving the bricks, you fags searchin movies for clips
You bitches choosin to spit are useless as piss, this Operation Deepthroat
You soft and take in meat loads, often placed in sleep holds
A coffin claims ya dreams though, as people with egos get knees broke
By punches that make ya teeth fold in ya cheeks so you seem old
Leave you for a week froze til the meat's cold even in ya feet bro!!!!

Look...

I got punch lines like teenage dances, that leave face damage
When these great hands hit til people ask for a replay, damn it!!!
KB? He stay famished, like Im always stoned off great herb
Dennis Rodman highlight reel, like I have a tape worm
Pissed off, feeling hate burn, dont want to see my worst day
My lines shift, split, and rock your faults... Virginia Earthquake!!!
Making everyone in the church pray, calling Jesus the Savior
As if its going to stop me, when we all know he's just a hater
My words need release from the paper, and have bitches hooked
Throw my notepad at them, and make them hit the books
It'd probably fix their looks, serious with it, I return games
Who needs fucking Scrabble to attempt some wordplay?!?
If its a race to first place, then it must be burn rubber time
Paint pictures on visually impaired people so the feel Kuhlerblynd!!!!
--~Murk McNasty~--
Battle WRECKord 42-8
Image
User avatar
M33Kish
Elite Freestyler
Offline
Posts: 465
Joined: Fri Mar 25, 2011 3:21 am
Wins: 14
Losses: 17
No Shows: 1
Location: Minniesota

Re: Ramblin' Man

Post by M33Kish »

You had some real nice punches and wordplay in this piece, I can't do a bar by bar since I'm on my phone but here's some lines that I really liked.


Your craps out, play, I'll shake you, Im not shootin the shit
A Mason moving the bricks, you fags searchin movies for clips
(dope line, this is the kind of punch I expect from you)


You bitches choosin to spit are useless as piss, this Operation Deepthroat
You soft and take in meat loads, often placed in sleep holds
(another dope bar. When in doubt, attack a niggas sexuality lol)

Keep the punches commin man you fuckin multi animal!!!!

And I know it ain't much but here
http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/me-ki ... 23863.html

[ Post made via Android ] Image
The Meek Shall Prosper... So they say :P
User avatar
MonuMental
Hairy Scoundrel
Offline
Posts: 528
Joined: Fri Feb 18, 2011 9:09 pm
Location: Leland, MS

Re: Ramblin' Man

Post by MonuMental »

I juggle rhymes then smother lines you might fucking write
Catch handi-cap emcees red handed with no muscle life, its Kuhlerblynd!
From where the sun dont shine, shady! and easily tell ya shook
I aint from Bama, but god damn ya quick to YEL A WOLF!

Lol, smooth opener, definitely added some flare to it with that Yelawolf line. Sick.

Death by injection but hell was booked, re-birth has begun
Satans emergence of an angel, I should reword that for some
An emergence of Satans angel who has what it takes to break you
Punches known to shake a maple, lookin' up as I say I hate you

I loved how you reversed the flow on the beginnings of the second and third lines here, creative concept.

Your craps out, play, I'll shake you, Im not shootin the shit
A Mason moving the bricks, you fags searchin movies for clips
You bitches choosin to spit are useless as piss, this Operation Deepthroat
You soft and take in meat loads, often placed in sleep holds

First bar of this shit right here got me, and half the third line, I wasn't feeling the rest as much, but it still hit hard.

A coffin claims ya dreams though, as people with egos get knees broke
By punches that make ya teeth fold in ya cheeks so you seem old
Leave you for a week froze til the meat's cold even in ya feet bro!!!!

I liked these last three lines, but I was a bit thrown off by the odd bar count. I will say though that it still snapped, and there's nothing wrong with the odd count since you delivered your thought coherently.

I got punch lines like teenage dances, that leave face damage
When these great hands hit til people ask for a replay, damn it!!!
KB? He stay famished, like Im always stoned off great herb
Dennis Rodman highlight reel, like I have a tape worm

I was really feeling the self aimed name flip (kb, kind bud, kinda matched up in my head) and also the fact that you referenced herb. My kinda shit.

Pissed off, feeling hate burn, dont want to see my worst day
My lines shift, split, and rock your faults... Virginia Earthquake!!!
Making everyone in the church pray, calling Jesus the Savior
As if its going to stop me, when we all know he's just a hater

The first bar snapped, citing a real world event and effectively working it into the rhyme scheme. I won't speak on the second bar, it's against my religion. Lol.


My words need release from the paper, and have bitches hooked
Throw my notepad at them, and make them hit the books
It'd probably fix their looks, serious with it, I return games
Who needs fucking Scrabble to attempt some wordplay?!?
If its a race to first place, then it must be burn rubber time
Paint pictures on visually impaired people so the feel Kuhlerblynd!!!!

We'll count these six lines as the closer, lol, The first and second bars of this were tied in well with one another, and I felt that. The last bar was cool too, I felt how you incorporated your name in throughout the piece, way to rep for numero uno, bruh, no one can fault you there.

I felt it was a dope drop overall, with only a few minute(Adj.) things that threw me off, but that's if I choose to be picky about it. Stay up, man.
[center]Peel back the facade and behold a bold insanity,
With no repose or vanity, composed of inhumanity.[/center]
[center]Image[/center]
[center]Image[/center]
[center]Image[/center]
[center]Illest Awards For 2011:
Text MC of the Year- MonuMental
Class of 2011- MonuMental, Enlightend, 3rd String, CBK, and Pest
Writer of the Year- MonuMental
Written of the Year- MonuMental 'A Series of Unfortunate Events'[/center]

[center]a-series-of-unfortunate-events-vt23866.html[/center]
User avatar
Kuhlerblynd
But I See Right Thru You
Offline
Posts: 2724
Joined: Tue Aug 17, 2010 8:04 pm
Wins: 43
Losses: 8
No Shows: 2

Re: Ramblin' Man

Post by Kuhlerblynd »

Awesome man... Thanks to both of you for the feed. Its really appreciated. Hope I can get some more on this one...
--~Murk McNasty~--
Battle WRECKord 42-8
Image
Post Reply

Return to “Written Rhymes”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 6 guests