A Knock In The Night Ft. Vanity

[For Real]

A Knock In The Night
Was It The Wind?

Silently, I dozed off as I slept in my bed,
A breeze brushes past, my wife's breath on my neck,
Light pools in as a draft waves the curtains along,
My body weighs down on the mattress, I'm circling nod,
Suddenly, dreams and reality separate in an instant,
A crash captures my consciousness, something breaks in the kitchen,
I awaken shaken and must investigate it,
My veins pump to my brain and my heart is racing,
Questions follow adrenaline, it all lands in my head,
With each creak in the floor, the madder I get,
Grab a lamp to defend, check everywhere to protect my family,
Then a silhouette steps, I swing at the head, with my weapon manicly.

I close my eyes tonight and cease, counting sheep, there’s no need
As i hold on tight pleased, that i’m finally able to fall asleep
In a coma like induced sleep, so deep oh my it feels so sweet
Dreaming of us sitting n chillin in the gardens in Greece
eating with our niece w/o a burden just feeling the breeze
In peace, its a love feast, our happiness just seems to increase
Suddenly, a beast appears with a loud siren in the back ground
In silence i try to track down, and listen to the sound, as i look around
I sense ur presence, i can feel your essence, but you’re no where to b found
I try to calm down, i’m astound, my heart pounds through my chest, like it wants out,
Realizing this wasn’t just a dream, as i’m analyzing this i wanna scream, so i shout
I kick away the bedspread quick, feeling desperate and sick, i jump out of bed
Thoughts rushing through my head, a nightmare? But my husband has left,
I get up to check. rushing downstairs taking huge steps, trying to catch my breath,
Fear starts as I feel that near a beast is real and could rip me apart,
Stressed, I feel the blood in my heart, look for you....but get attacked in the dark.

Heroism extends a hand, I'm accepting the offer,
My assailant collapses, I'm preventing a slaughter by defending my honour,
My foe smacked with the light after I was attacked in the night,
But tragedy strikes, as the moonlight shines, I'm looking back at my wife.

For Real
Vanity
For Real

[88SkyLink]

This was really good. You should've made a longer verse, it would've made it more interesting. I liked the beginning and how you started off, but some of the rhymes seemed super forced like 'instant/kitchen'. Vanity I believe done very good, portrayed a good wife to the husband-like role of FOR Real, however the rhyme scheme of hers is very different to For reals, usually For reals rhymes have multiple words e.g 'circling nod/curtains along' whereas vanity's is one worded e.g be FOUND/around' so I kinda got lost on the flow. My favourite part was the end, had me going NOOOOOOO lol. All in all a good collab, but there's still room for improvements, so keep at it, peace

[Defiance]

good shit guys...

constructive crit:

try a more focused structure to the rhymes.. which creates better flow for the reader.
with stories like this its always good to stay focused which was well executed for most parts..


but overall i really liked it..


keep dropping

[Sir Kevin O Shea]

I like poetic reads like this. Keep it up, good work.

[Enlightend]

Very nice from both... vanity had a few forced lines but still good

[Arvincible]

very well done! i am very impressed with vanity's style.. and for real... if you were in this topical tourney you probably would have raised hell for everyone lol ur verse was outstanding

[ippiki_17]

Good storytelling it was ill, I enjoyed the imagery and every descriptive piece of your work. Only so many brains can stay alert while reading this one. Great drop!

[MonuMental]

This was a well thought out and executed drop. Some lines from both parties seemed forced. It was a creative concept, though. I respect you, FR, for pushing these ideas. It really does help in the elevation aspect, as well as contributing some dope reads for the site. Props to both of you.