Buried - Quick Topical No Showed

[For Real]

PICTURE GIVEN


Buried
The Coffin

This coffin is a sarcophagus, I'm locked in it,
I still haven't got the jist to hold consciousness,
One minute, my life is in tact, next, confined and I'm trapped,
With each breath I take, I feel like it's my last,
Surrounded by death, want to take off, but I'm grounded instead,
Although I'm in so deep, i'm still out of my depth,
I'm fully rested now, so why do I lay under unsteady grounds,
The weight of the world above me as the earth presses down,
Wether asleep or awake, I drift off into as hysteria's prey,
I seek the easiest way, but it's too dark to even see the escape,
Dramatic like this is a movie, I scream with no one listening to me,
Imprisoned, it's stupid, my own lack of ambition the jury,
It's a smack in the face, to leave me here sad and afriad,
Caputred as prey, I try to wriggle out but I'm static in place,
I want control, but recall and receit 'Who's the boss',
I'm all alone, but not the only one in this wooden box,
One in a group, but restrained by solitude and other disputes,
There's nothing to do but remain here like a child stuck in the womb,
If I die here, I want a funeral, it's not unsuitable,
Residing in this box, my coffin, my office cubical.

[Alejandro Kerrigan]

I'm fully rested now, so why do I lay under unsteady grounds,
The weight of the world above me as the earth presses down,

good shit man, flowed nicely, i was feelin it the whole time. good shit

[Arvincible]

Im a for real fan lol


closer was niiiice

love the flow, only thing i think that would make this better imo
is word choice on imagery.. i ask more from u because ur at a level
where multis, flow and delivery is there, u just need to paint a more
vivid picture..using higher level words.

[For Real]

Yeah I definently agree here. Thanks for the feed. Drop links for returns.

[Arvincible]

http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/topic23679.html

[MonuMental]

This coffin is a sarcophagus, I'm locked in it,
I still haven't got the jist to hold consciousness,
One minute, my life is in tact, next, confined and I'm trapped,
With each breath I take, I feel like it's my last,

This was a sick opener, the whole piece was pretty dope, however, I'd have to agree with Arv when he says elevate the word game. Step up the vocab a bit, man, or maybe just the way you use it. I like the pics you paint, I just feel like you could liven up pieces like this with just those few extra little brush strokes to make the highs pop and the lows eat souls. Feel me? But as for the style and content, everything is there. I enjoyed the read, bruh. Keep doin ya thang.

http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/the-pain-vt23700.html