Star Spangled Stanzas

[ippiki_17]

In this methodical trap
We toggle big bottles of alcoholic beverages
And go to bed with this accredited feeling of loss
Killing us all, sickening thoughts spread misery
Maybe life without you connected to it is meant to be
Little boys murdering, girls want they titties bleached
We in it deep, like them giant rats in city streets
All I see is the military and the ministries, attend hut!
Fuck a general, nigga please, I'm not a guerrilla
A gunner, anything abutting, I'm just another brother
Who's stuck in the beeline, but behind all of the E.I.O.
In this barnyard, full of thee american folk, I grow
No barricade, can burry a body of my virtue, or value
Evaluate the body that you bow to, and vow to, how do
You do it with the vivacity that your given, your tripping
This country got to many ass-kissers, ill, it's so gross
You engross the broadcast, letting the mere truth fall pass
Fall back! like Big L and Kool G. Rap, get off the headlines
And research the facts, are you committed to place you see
Home of free, Fox News, NBC, land of the brave, FBI, CIA
Oh, say can you see by the break of day, the surise and auroras
That we create, what breeze will appease in a peaceful way
See the people of America don't see these things, on the shore
Dimly seen through the mists of creeps, beneath lies big beast
And a mystery, a hidden power, a doctrine in history, arcane
And deep, and it ain't meant to see, oh, thus be it ever freeman
Will speak, when everything's done, concocted, and complete
To conquer we must it is just trust that we lack, the motto is whack
They mistrust you, not the individuals, the people apart of the structure
Rupture will occur in the worst moment, so will we unite, or spend life hopeless
http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/green ... ml#p178770 http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/the-r ... ml#p178772

[Faze]

It Was Pretty Tight Bro, Some lines I Couldnt Follow however it still felt pretty deep

[MonuMental]

I liked it. Some interesting vocab thrown in here, I'm always a big fan of a well used vocab. Nice message, as well. We are blind, for the most part. Hard to shake awake. Dope, man.

[For Real]

This has a good flow to it and I continued on well. Some of the vocab was good aswell, which when used well is a really good addition to any drop. You never always rhymed at the end of a line, and I always feel like you have to because it gives a reader a clear indication of when to expect the rhyme. The only real downside is how you switch between writer to rapper. You start off with good vocab and wording, and then go to 'nigga please' and mention other rappers and stuff. Try to maintain one strong tone, so we can get into that mentality whilst reading it. Good drop though, I'll be reading.

[ippiki_17]

Yes!!! Finally some good feedback and criticism! That's all I wanted thanks guys.

[For Real]

Anytime man. If you drop anything else and I don't see it, pm me it and I'll def take a look.

[88SkyLink]

I feel what for real said, but I actually like the fact that you didn't do that typical 'end rhyme' but I believe you needed a rhyme scheme, cuz I didn't see any. These topics are done so many times, so at first I thought 'here we go again' but I was really feeling it as I went on. There were times where I saw some inconsistency in not only your lines, but in you're persona. You approached the topic neutrally plus you're vocabs were perfectly used, but then nigga please? a good read, but improve

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