I NEED FEEDBACK ASAP!!!!!!!! PLEAS.E

[the sentinel]

I wana knw whether this is a good battle,ok battle or bad battle......asap!! plz!!!

BLACK MAD ILL RAPPER DISS:
I wear you out like a sock till you stink,then i stuff you in your mouth so ya spit shity,
thnk u safe as a chick on menopause but like a hot flush, i make u sweaty,
your whack skillz illegal,shud be put behind bars,drop the soap then say "i beg u daddy",
next time ya see me,u be blockin yo ass with a wine cork nd gimme the bottle,a token of respect,
u be askin for yo cell mates number,so he do full throttle with his dick to re-inspect,
yo ass
as u stand behind me,so i shit ya face up nd u be swallowin it like mandingo's long dick,
your rhymes are the timer and mine r the bomb so you delaying me to blow up,
i be serious with everyone but i start playing soon as you show up,
make ur stomach run faster than u,castor(oil) and laxative then u throw up,
stop callng yourself that coz it dnt suit you,it fits me like my gal to jimmy chew...mad ill rapper,
i got beef with you so imma eat u up like a big mac,my-deal-burger,
im serving steak cube so everyone in yo crew be gettn some,a give away like oprah!
you probably been reading this nd every line u be like..."oh-bruh",thts too funny,
ass gelled up like yo hair,shades on so the nuttin guy dnt get it inyo eyes...i bet u phinny sue johnny(bravo)
for taking yo style coz more chicks than men hate you...
that was you in that r-kelly sex tape aight? coz see i thnk he payed you,
to get yo swagg back he had to do u like u was diabetic, he injected insulin,
Can i ask, is that yo face on the pro pic or didya neck jus throw up?
when im done withya you wont be like a has been, just a "never was"

[Arvincible]

dude literally...your description between the lines of your every bar portrays an image of you man-banging the guy..
you

"make him sweaty"
you have him stand behind you as you shit in his mouth....wtf

this verse was an overall 3.5/10

anyways some bars dont rhyme at all... like ur big mac and oprah line were by themselves..with no rhythm at all..
you cannot write based on how u stress each word in person...ur readers wont be able to relate if you think its entertaining to urself.
lines lack substance, it has character, but not a very good one.
punches dont have good delivery and the rhymes are very off.

you seem to enjoy writing though, and rap in its own purpose. but you just have to adjust the direction of where you want to be as a writer. do you just want to scribble and type nonsense, or do you really want people to say "wow" at what you drop? because in order to do that you need to really step it up as far as punches, multis, wordplay, diction, flow, structure, and substance.. creativity in all of these categories will make others take you seriously.. keep writing though, i want to see growth.

[Enlightend]

I think u need to reevaluate... how u write... scrap it and start over... a punchline either has to attack or be what it is a punchline = the funny or impactfull part of a joke or story... and u have none of that...

[jayzon_black]

I'm not the best text cat on here, but IMO, there is a lot to work on fam. Structure, rhyme scheme, flow, punches, it seemed like you were writing blind hate and just let the words fall on the page. There really was no rhyme or reason for most of the content. No nameplays, hardly any wordplay, just aggression, sexual aggression, aimed at anally raping dude, which scores no points in my book.

I'd like to catch some of your other work to see if the trends follow.