Why I Write(Part 7: Another Chapter)

[Ted Bundey]

nice drop. if you just had more Bars this shit would be dope

[Mic S]

dope flow, made it easy to read- it was a dope piece, you should add on to this though... vocab was kinda basic but the way it was presented you dont even notice

[M33Kish]

Good story piece, now I gotta read the rest...... and it was short, but that's why this is chapter 7.... good shit zir.

[ Post made via Mobile Device ]

[Demo+]

I Fucks Wit It

Smooth Flow With Emotion. Good Use Of Multies.. You Could've Add'd Some Metaphors To Spice It Up But It Was Good Without It Still.. Tha Endin Was Dope! Yea But I Was Hopin It Was Ah' Tad Longer..



Keep Doin Ya THang Brah'

1'

[Kau the Lion]

You Could've Add'd Some Metaphors To Spice It Up But It Was Good Without It Still..

Huh? Sometimes I wonder if this guy is reading the same things I am. I think you just didn't pick up on the metaphors, cause they were there.

Anyway, decent piece Yezzir. Keeping he one multi going was impressive since it sound pretty natural for the most part. I liked the metaphors too and they helped convey a lot of emotion. A few of the lines in the middle felt like they had a few to many syllables for me to pick up the flow but I imagine you had that worked out in your head so I'm sure it sounds different to you. Maybe if we heard a beat that went with it. And like the others said, it was a bit short on its own, but considering it's part 7 of a series, that's hardly an issue.

[QwarterZ]

another dope drop TOYH I'm feeling you on this one..it was like a metaphor..within a metaphor O_o...Inception...either way the multi scheme was nice and consistent I'm feeling what you brought to the table with this one..glad you didnt stop the series yet

[ Post made via Mobile Device ]

[EcKsTaSy]

Part 7, pretty simple rhymes but very powerful bro

[Defiance]

good shit hit on the multis, good meta4s.. too fucking short if you ask me, which comes with ammount of effort put forth. but i like it

pops rolls in his grave shit was nice

keep it coming

[complexity]

Very short.

Though some of the best pieces are short and to the point.

What happened with your job fucking sucks!

Simple yet very effective rhyming.

"Always gettin drunk I've been blowed for some days
I wanna put my life on this paper and just throw it away"

^that shit right there, great closer.

[probablyTreed]

ur last line was dope as fuck

[Momeijah]

Hello this is a good song I think top of the charts yes ?

In all seriousness though it was good, didn't seem short to me it didn't come across like a drop that would last for ages if you know what I mean. Multis were dope nothing forced, flow was also the stand out point. I agree with the last line being the best, but I liked the previous Why I Write drop better. You plan on writing more ?

[Thu Hem]

Nice drop man.... shit was tight
i`ve read some part before,

So keep doin ya thang man.

[ Post made via Windows Smartphone ]

[MonuMental]

Yea, I'm from the land of the free the home of the brave
But, ever since my birth, I've been known as a slave
Society places us in shackles. I relate and agree. Nice.

Papii fought for freedom, now he rolls in his grave
Mixed emotions but my words always wove on the page
The system shits on those that follow it's rules. I feel that. Nice lil multies at the end.

Man, I thought I had a job but they stole it away
Always working seven days and I'm still slow getting paid
Life is a bitch and she fucks you whenever possible. Tough break, my dude.

I'm tired of the bills so my thoughts flow with the rage
Far from an animal but it feels like I grow in a cage
Some nice emotions present here in just these two lines. Indicative of the anger and frustration that our standard of living can so often present us with. Dope expression of emotion.

Japan witnessed the tsunami, I was thrown by the waves
I still try to run the courts but my zone's gettin played
We see such strife in our world nowadays that it's commonplace for us to find our head in places we'd prefer for it not to be. I think everyone can feel where you're coming from, here.

Always gettin drunk I've been blowed for some days
I wanna put my life on this paper and just throw it away
I fully, fully understand and relate to this right here. I numb myself as well to keep afloat. I think this is the tightest bar in the whole lil piece for me. The hopelessness, the pain, the need for something more, and the lack thereof. Dope shit.


Dope shit, man. It was a short piece, and perhaps my in depth breakdown was a bit unnecessary, but I really felt where you were coming from. Keep pushing shit like this, it's what we need to know we aren't alone in our struggles and pain. Stay up.

[For Real]

Dope drop. The flow was really good, and when you had small metaphores in it really made an impact. The start and ending where the strongest points. You should have added some more metaphors in however. The Japan and Animal lines were strong, and with a flexible multie I'm sure you could have added some more in. One or two of the lines seemed slightly struggled, but you did go a decent length with the multie so it's to be expected. Really good drop and I'll read the rest of the series too.

lol at first I tried to submit this in 'FileComment' ha

http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/soldi ... 23742.html
or
http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/castl ... 23770.html