lookin for some feed back

[shadow_barz]

I'm from the city where skinny niggas die, nah fuck it its the city where the realist niggas ride.

I always keep a gun either a tech or 45, and u can see the souls of other lyricist in my eyes.

I'm a monster a savage up on these tracks, and niggas always hard til they feel the pistol up on they back.

The skills is real u aint shit but another meal, I'm a baby on the site but treating niggas like enfimel.

Ya betta chill for I run up on wit the steel I can put a price on ya head but gettin u my self is a better deal.

From the school of hard knocks and beef is my favorite subject, battle any where in private or in public.

[ Post made via Mobile Device ]

[The Man]

So go leave feedback dummy.

[thadevious1]

LOL yo shadow bars
you need to link two threads that you gave crit to
in your own otherwise this will get locked...

[MOEstradamus]

^^^^ lmao is that the new rule ^^^^

I'm from the city where skinny niggas die, nah fuck it its the city where the realist niggas ride.

I always keep a gun either a tech or 45, and u can see the souls of other lyricist in my eyes.

I'm a monster a savage up on these tracks, and niggas always hard til they feel the pistol up on they back.

The skills is real u aint shit but another meal, I'm a baby on the site but treating niggas like enfimel.

Ya betta chill for I run up on wit the steel I can put a price on ya head but gettin u my self is a better deal.


From the school of hard knocks and beef is my favorite subject, battle any where in private or in public.
um from what im seeing you havent been rapping for long at least i hope you havent. You have the basic concept of rhyming down but you have no multis, you have stretched lines, played out lines, i can hear a better version of this on the radio pretty much any rick ross song says the same things you just did..... my suggestion to you is to go back and work on some multis to help smooth out your flow... if you dont know what multis are just ask... Maybe try throwing a punchline in there somewhere it gets boring reading rhymes like this... Read over your verse to a beat of some kind because you have words added you dont need and it takes away from your flow... Try being a little more creative and think outside you and your gun. Its hard to get better when you are only dropping like 5 or 6 lines to adding more to it.