(Test Battle) trizz vs pest (Pest wins 5-4)

[pest]

16 bars
topic: depression/suicide from 3rd person view

due by thurs

[ Post made via Mobile Device ]

-- Mon May 30, 2011 8:32 pm --

chekk. waiting on your check and ill drop

[Trizz]

alright. Im in.

[pest]

I can see that he's sick of shit, patheic life that he's livin in/
12 knots in the noose, hangs it proud witha sickend grin/
Love seemed to be trickin him, fallen away to be dipped in sin/
Shoulda kNew from the get go shes a shit hoe when he slipped it in/
Death would make it right, he'd jump but afraid of hights/
Late at night, he cries himself to sleep cuz he's hatin life/
He hates the light, consumed by strife, seemin to break his might/
Depression overwhelms him, now he lets it take his life/
Hand in hand with the reaper, his friend helps him up the stool/
Kicks it from beneath him, then leaves him, so its fuck this fool/
What proceeds him is demons eatin n feastin on his flesh/
On with death, no breathen, as long as the weight is off his chest/
Eyes rollin to the back of his skull, serenity is close/
Its a picture perfect set up, if it wernt that the center piece is broke/
Rope chokin this joke, strangles snug around the throat
Suicide note 'suck my fuckin dick... Xo xo'/

[ Post made via Mobile Device ]

-- Fri Jun 03, 2011 2:01 am --

ill give you till midnight friday trizz

[Trizz]

Starin at her empty glass of milk, "the little mermaid" shes readin
Lying on her crumpled quilt, but her fear aint receeding
Her mother's husband walks in, pants down, gets his "job" done
She bears it all in silence, her hopes have extincted undone.
"good night"
No reply. tears on her cheek gleam, in neon light, after mom died
Nothing's alright, this is the height of an innocent's plight,
No 10 yr old (friend) could connect to, so she'd nevr describe her fight
"No wings to spread, no place to fly." nowhere to hide
So "Neverland" world was the best place she had
No "un-real" dads, she was glad, she'd runaway n never come back
So she pasted a note on my sayin "To dear-est Tessie"
N gently placed me besides other teddies
A friend once gave her a purple powder "death snack" (iodine)
My inanimate hands couldnt snatch the "death pack"
Fallin on her bed, purple lips, dreamin bout after life grandeur
She said, "i'll to see you mermaind", as death grabbed her

-- Sat Jun 04, 2011 7:50 am --

(describing a 10 yr old orphan. Im her teddy bear.)

[32neilz]

First off imma tell you both what I thought of your verses seperatley. So.... 

Pest
Wow man, this was a really deep verse, I think maybe some of the best shit I've ever read from you. I liked the way the lines were put together, multies at the end of almost every one. You had the flow, imagery was there too. Favourite line: what proceeds him is demons eatin n feastin on he's flesh/ on with death no breathing as long as the weight is off he's chest//.
All in all a good topical verse.

Trizz
First thing is I think you took away from your verse by leaving the expo. You had the storytelling there, I got it before I read the expo. Again another really nice drop, flow was off at points and I found your multies were not as consistent as they could have been, saying that the storytelling and imagery had me gripped from the first line. Favourite line: her mothers husband walks in, pants down, gets he's job done/ she bears it all in silence, her hopes have extincted, undone//
I liked your concept, again this was a nice drop.

Well this is gonna be tough to call but here's the breakdown and vote.

Storytelling: trizz, had the better story to it in my opinion.
Flow: pest, it was consistent, read very fluidly.
Creativity: trizz, concept was really nice and the way you came at it was good, minus the expo.
Multies: pest, yep your multies were consistent, nice.
Wordplay: I'm gonna say trizz for the purple death pack line.

So close battle but imma vote trizz

     

[ Post made via Mobile Device ]

-- Sat Jun 04, 2011 3:47 pm --

I'd appreciate if you both return the favour in me vs panda when it's ready for votes

[Jsteel]

Wel,we have a nice topical here...creativity :Trizzy storyteling:pest flow:pest Multies:pest wordplay: trizzy. both were dope verse,pests gave me a darker feel and painted a better picture,and trizy did wel wid his unique verse but mvgt pest

[ Post made via Mobile Device ]

[Joe Saint]

DAMN THIS WAS A NICE BATTLE

Creativty-trizz
Storytelling-trizz
Flow-Trizz
Mulities-Pest
Wordplay-Trizz

MVGT-TRIZZ

[ Post made via Mobile Device ]

[Mic S]

Alright for the topical ---- this was 3rd person correct???

just double checking

Storytelling: Pest both came with dope stories - obviously the topic is emotion - but Pest did a better job telling it from 3rd person view

Multies: Pest No explanation needed here - but as read above the way Pest flowed with the inner rhymes the multies were clearly taken by pest

Creativity/Concept: Trizz - Obvious reasons Pest when you think of suicide you think of a dude killing himself over a bitch, so Trizz takes this category

Wordplay/Imagery: Trizz when i think of topical and wordplay i consider the wordplay imagery - how well did the words paint a picture to see it clearly and Trizz painted a nice image in my head /// This could have gone to pest because he started off really great / but started slippin in the middle then picked it up in the end

Enjoyment: Pest Both pieces were very enjoyable but Pest flowed right through which let me enjoyed it a bit more.

Consistency: Pest Both lost in middle but recovered - i think Pest came more consistent overall for keeping me reading more than having to stop and think about where the flow was or what was being talked about

& since this is a topical

Vocabulary: Trizz again barely pulling this off because both didn't use much but trizz had a couple words in there.


Overall Very Close battle

Pest = 4 categories Trizz = 3 categories

MVGT Pest... very good battle here honost vote - feed my song in return please click >>> Another Level

[M33Kish]

this is nice, in a depressing way...

creativity-trizz, pest had a dope storyline but trizz's concept execution was on point.

storytelling-pest, the details in his were very depictive.

multies-pest, his shit just kept the flow the whole way through

wordplay-trizz,pest didnt really use any that i say, just really really descriptive.

enjoyment- pest, SHIT WAS DESCRIPTIVE AS FUCK!!!

MVGT- Pest, Trizz is raw as fuck for that iodine shit though

[Kause mc]

Wow GREAT TOPICAL!

Alright ill break it down individually i guess

Pest
I think you had a great story in this man i really got into it. Especilly when the reaper kicks to stool. That was cool i could picture this shit. Its heavy, dark and real creative

Trizz
Man i loove the way you made out like ur a teddy haha that was a good idea. I have to say your verse had me playin out the whole scene and it really had my eyes wide open to read the next line!


Since this is a topical my vote goes to the dude that had a better story and to me that was trizz. Dnt get me wrong this battle was real close

Both Stay up im lookin forward to new shit from both u

Mvgt. Trizz

[ Post made via Mobile Device ]

[leeroi green]

i fuckin voted last night really ok well in not so many words then

1st of all dope battle fellas now to the meat

i loved both, the creativity of trizz was outstanding
the flow and structure pest all day
actually it was very close i based my decision strictly on the story telling like i said i really liked the originality of trizz's drop he could have easily gotten my vote had he tightened up a few bars but i stumbled reading his and man do i hate expos and pest goes and writes his best piece on the site well i broke it down a little better yesterday but my vote remains the same

and by the way you each have earned my respect as writers which is much more important than winning or losing

MVGT pest

[Enlightend]

good battle i was feeling both verses

pest your verse was cool and i was feeling the flow of your verse... i also liked the detail that you put in your verse...

trizz i really liked your verse... the story was deep and you could feel the emotions and in such a short verse thats a feat... i too thought you could tighten up your flow a bit... but i still was feelin the story enough so that
i thought about it after i read the verse....

trizz gets my vote

-- Mon Jun 06, 2011 7:51 pm --

good battle i was feeling both verses

pest your verse was cool and i was feeling the flow of your verse... i also liked the detail that you put in your verse...

trizz i really liked your verse... the story was deep and you could feel the emotions and in such a short verse thats a feat... i too thought you could tighten up your flow a bit... but i still was feelin the story enough so that
i thought about it after i read the verse....

trizz gets my vote

[Defiance]

yo i liked both these pieces

pest- really understood the premise of your piece, i got the sadness wickedness, the overall feeling of depression.. with some witty comments.. stayed on topic. the xo xo line killed it great closer.. kinda abstract

trizz- i liked the view point of yours, very abstract.. but at the same time kinda lacking in emotion.. kinda dry in a way.. almost didnt really get that she was depressed,

But overall i gotta go with pest and his direct approach.

vote goes to pest

[Alvin]

-Thread Closed & Records Updated-

Pest wins 5-4