Guilty

[Ryth]

Epitome of Beast
Mind State

Something I wrote a while ago, thought I might share it.


His body turned like a clock,
His mind warped by time,
And though the fault surely was his
He just kept passing it down the line,
Blaming whomever had ever taken the time to get intertwined
In his interest and then left him to bleed with a broken spine,
His pride was that of one which never had dared look at himself out in the daylight,
Outright it would be fair to state he’d played himself a fool,
Consequently fate it seems were proving him a tool
Ruled in by corners he didn’t dare brave
And so he never gave himself the chance to move onwards
But backwards he certainly went again and again,
Reminiscing over the pain and the anger,
He played the reel over and over until when he looked back
Across that which had been so unthoughtfully spent he couldn’t recognize the spender in all his splendor and so his life went,
Through seasons ever changing, though he remained the same,
Like a seed planted neath a tree, hidden from the sun’s love,
His essence embedded in earth’s shackles never grew free.

[M33Kish]

Deep, it read like a poem though, but still deep.

"Like a seed planted neath a tree, hidden from the sun’s love,
His essence embedded in earth’s shackles never grew free."

If worded a little better this would be straight fire. Keep droppin man

[ Post made via Mobile Device ]

[Ryth]

Thank you man, glad to hear you liked it!

I've been writing poetry since I was a kid, so it's still deeply embeded in me. Only started writing rhymes last summer, so I'm still green.

[MonuMental]

It did read like, poetry, and not in a negative sense. Of course, you may have a ways to go until you feel spittin like you feel speakin, it just depends on how you work at it. What you get out is a direct reflection of what you put in, and this is a great piece. Props.

[COMPUTERCHIPS]

I like the story telling and feel to it. it did seem like a poem more than a spit. it shined more in some areas than most. good drop tho. keep writing.

P E A C E

[Defiance]

yeah agree also more of a poetry piece.. but well written poetry.. structure messed the flow up.. short bars long bars. mid barrs need to tighten it up a lil

but good drop thanks for the feed by the way

[Ryth]

Thanks for the critique and the props people, much appreciated!

I'll feel I have to spit it someday, so that I may get across how I thought it would be flowed!

[Enlightend]

i agree with the masses here.... ggod read but i couldn't catch the flow.... if u cant drop an audio... drop the beat u had in mind...