MACK LAZARUS vs GRIM (topical) (GRIM WINS KO)

[Grim]

this topic was chosen by 32NEILZ...8-10 bars house rules...you are JFK's assassin...48 hour from check in

[Mack Lazarus]

All i can see is the forces of evil. Lookin down on all these innocent people
Manipulating events. 'Illuminati'ng and invading events. Its just craaaaziness

The days just get slower but come quicker at the same time it seems
I've dreamed of turnin America into a crime scene

Nightmare. wake up in the middle of the night. R.E.M. state. my eyes shut tight.
I'm not aware of my immediate surroundings, without a single step i've crossed over
the boundary

Of illusion and madness with this President's asssassin.
The Jews is the ones who knew that it would happen.

I'm not from Hollywood but now they got me actin
like I'm actually a killer and that I'm the one thats mad at him.

So now I'm packin. Aimin and hidin. smokin and drinkin cause I know I'm dyin.
Now i'm firin! there go the sirens! Soon they be writin how i took down a titan

Maybe this will make history and play into gods hand and he'll remember me.
I'm mentally unstable but perfectly capable of leaving a gaping hole.

Where gray matter was. But now its splattered cuz.
There go his wife after it to gather it up.

[Grim]

Single bolt action rifle sighted and set.
The book depository window is right for this hit.

Everything plotted and planned to absolute perfection.
All possible scenarios have been completely dissected.

Even a secondary shooter,a secret that can't be told
Is there to create a "magic bullet theory" from the grassy knoll.

Make my way to the site with my ammunition and my weaponry.
As I start up the stairs I get that feeling this is my destiny.

Down the hall with a fevered focus and murderous intention.
Step in room and feel justified like it's divine intervention.

My "presidential" preperation will dilute all investigations.
I'm just waiting for that moment of bullet to flesh penetration.

Window open, parade approaching,the presidential car is near
This mission's completion that once seemed so far is here.

This is history in the making, my name WILL be re-membered
Lee Harvey Oswalt and the "legend" and his unknown team-member.

expo: lee harvey=obvious...grassy knoll and book depository= where it happened...there is a theory of two shooters or a magic bullet theory..he used a bolt action rifle...

-- Wed Apr 20, 2011 9:12 am --

upping for votes

[Kuhlerblynd]

Mack's verse

Even though your first two lines dont end in the same rhyme format, the flow is still there. I like how you included the Illuminati into your verse, nice. The second line of your second bar seems to need another little phrase to match the syllable count up more, for a better flow. I think you can read it and see what Im getting at. Third bar is matched up more nicely. Could've used it to bring the story out more, but you recovered by giving some imagery and emotion. I feel like you're torn between your motive over the next couple bars, or maybe just stating that all of the above are involved. That next bar was fire with the flow, and the whole delivery of it. The last bar did well to end the piece, but could have tied a little more into it. Overall, this was really well written, and brought different elements to the verse. Nice job.

Grim's verse

Coming with more of a direct approach to how this actually happened, which might be the better way of writing it, as it IS history, and that's how people recognize it. The second bar works in a way to continue the story, yet it seems to be a bit of filler overall also. That third bar really hit with me. I like how you pointed that out and didnt let the 'thoery' of that be forgotten in your verse. You carry the story nicely after that, with some added imagery to bring your lines more to life. I liked the presidential wordplay brought into the piece. I really enjoy it when people find a way to incorporate wordplay into topicals. You ended this well too, though I thought you might be able to sacrifice one of your earlier bars to talk about how you were discovered and taken away.

I think both guys did a solid job on this. It being a historical event, however, really limits things when it comes to the imagination, since people already have it in their head what happened. I think Grim brought that out the most, and was able to move the story along well. If anything, I would give Grim the slight edge for bringing up more 'points' of the story and references of how things actually happened. Both of you did a fine job on this though, and I think it could go either way, depending on a reader's taste.

But my vote goest to Grim.

[32neilz]

Mack: I liked your verse, u told it as a good story, the imagery was there, not as sharp as it could have been, but this was a good angle to attack the topic with. I especially like the way u incorporated the idea that the Jews knew about it, I'm s big believer in them doing shit like that, that was a good play on it, nice job. My favourite line from yours was : I'm mentally unstable but perfectly capable of leaving a gaping hole. This was good cos u made it sound like it was coming from the mind of a psychopath, nice verse.

Grim: wow bro, u came at it from a different angle, the imagery was there, I liked tge way you told it how it was with the whole "magic bullet" theory thrown in. That was a side of it I've personally never heard. I especially liked the way u came at it as if you were going thru the story yourself, I could almost feel tge apprehension. Favourite line: Even a secondary shooter, a story that can't be told, is there to create a magic bullet theory from the grassy knoll. Again another good verse.

Well for me this was a good solid battle, it's hard to call cos u both attacked from a different point of view, both of which I really felt and enjoyed, so it's only by a hair but....

Mvgt: grim

this is simply for the fact that I almost felt tge emotion from he's verse and he's flow was killer.

Good job to both of you, keep it up.

[ Post made via Mobile Device ]

[Grim]

2-0 me..upping for votes...

[Defiance]

yeah i got to agree man.. grims verse was just better.

alot more visual and it was like a story of the moment

while macks was kinda all over the place, from ideas to grey matter
wasnt really very on track


while grim had me sitting in the building with the shooter
and that whole grassy noll line was killin it


my vote - grimm

just had a better verse in all aspects

[Grim]

3-0 me..k.o....good battle

[Mack Lazarus]

that was a fun topic. we gotta do more of these.

The gray matter was his brains on the car
in the footage his wife is actually scooping his brains back up. word

[Alvin]

-THREAD CLOSED AND RECORDS UPDATED-

GRIM WINS VIA KO