just want some feedback

[Moneymaker]

Yo ill decapitate,everyone cause thats fate/
I aint from Australlia so dont call me your mate/
Be careful i might put you under,seidate/
If you ask me out ill let you know im always late/
Sorry i thought you were my chick kate/
Ill get rid of you like your part of a plan, bait/
Ill finish this off like an assassin/
I love this game with a lot of passion/

[ Post made via Mobile Device ]

[Defiance]

really basic, short and sweet, flow was working, content was ehhh... but for some off the top quick shit its allright

[Alvin]

yO MAN, THIS SEEMS VERY SHORT, INFACT, IT IS. yOU REALLY DIDNT SAY MUCH THAT HASNT BEEN SAID ALREADY. tRY EXPANDING YOUR BARS SOME AND ADDING SOME IMAGERY SO I CAN BETTER FEEL THE ANOMOSITY YOU HAVE TOWARS KATE. ALSO, POST LINKS TO TWO OTHER PIECES YOUVE RECENTLY REVIEWED MAN, I DIDNT MAKE THE RULES, BUT LETS TRY OUR BEST TO PLAY BY THEM

[Grim]

try focusing on a sublect more and add complexity to your lyrics...rhymes like this are a dime a dozen...no offense but it sounds like something you'd hear at a party..you know...keep at it and try to use more then one word to rhyme and add length to your lines....respect and keep it up

[Moneymaker]

Thanks everyone this was all off the top of my head

[ Post made via Mobile Device ]

[Ted Bundey]

The flow and vocab was nice just add some mulities and you will be beast

[ Post made via Mobile Device ]

[Joe Saint]

the flow and vocab were alright but besides that there was no WOW lines or bars

[Mitty]

DETAIL is the key word for the day.

[leeroi green]

you got rhyme scheme i actually prefer the short bar to this long text because it is more relevant to recording and how you will compose for studio work i suggest you stick to a subject and worry less about rhyming 'cus that will come and if you can put emotion into it emotion will come out of it if that makes sense keep working on it

[QwarterZ]

the fuck was this...........sorry I'm not enthused
I will say that this was a piece I would have written in 3rd grade
but it's whatever man atleast you tried to come decently
which u did but eh...this is not really something I would read again
bulk up your work my friend...

[probablyTreed]

the last line is a little weak, i just didnt believe in your passion. make me believe damnit!

[Loon E Lou]