M-Mature Boy V.S M33Kish (M-Mature Boy wins TKO)

[M-Mature Boy]

house rules
6 bars (12 lines)
due 48 hrs of check
no crew votes/ etc..etc..
this is my check

[M33Kish]

Check

[ Post made via Mobile Device ]

[M-Mature Boy]

my first time on this site and already found my first victim/
i bet M33Kish gets excited when male officers search strip em/
you shoulda never took this challenge cuz ur 1-2 record soon to be 1 & 3/
i spit like a real rapper while u pretending like a wanna-b/
M33Kish ur rhymes "Wack" like when mobsters order a hit/
if i tell u i had 5 guns, 5 45's, u think im givin u the time like its a quater to 6/
man you cant compete wit me like u got less than 10 posts/
you couldnt win if i DQ'd myself & u had all ur friends votes/
damn dude, at best ur skills are third string/
come on JV, ur lackin against my VARSITY word scheme/
M33Kish cool? na! dude couldnt b fly if his profile wuz a bird theme/
the only time u get the hottest girl is when u fantasise like when a nerd dreams/

[M33Kish]

I'm-mature-enough,
To school all these im-mature-fucks/
Lucks got nothing to do with it,
I rank this bitch off top, his post count ain't even wassup/

Lookin for an easy win, huh?
Well this the wrong site to begin/
Try posting on your mama's fridge,
With all your other fuck ups you spit/

All your flowin is 'jack-offs',
Matures bars cant be 'hard, he cant even 'get off-soft'/
I jap-off, take-off,
And set-it-off on MC's who rap-soft/

This noob couldn't 'cum' correct,
With an answer sheet and and a 'towlet'/
Your the dope bitch, that just sniffs crack,
I kick-back and re-lax, letting you fiend all of my dope tracks/

You should let your flow mature,
And let your verse drop a nut/
Lame, why you on at night,
callin for battles, talkin bout "WHOS UP!?"/

M-mature, just leave the site,
Grab all your bars, and leave the hype/
And next time remember this,
"The Creeps Come Out At Night"/

[ Post made via Mobile Device ]

[M-Mature Boy]

Cool cool nice rhymes dude. Alright uppin 4 votes every1!

[ Post made via Mobile Device ]

[Moneymaker]

flow-mature
punches-33
mulities-mature
enjoyment-mature
MVGT- Mature

[Grim]

well both of these verses were so-so..neither hit very hard but Mature had better flow and structure and some good attempts at similies and better punchlines..he used more imagination and meeks disses were kind of played ones...so overall..MVGT: M-MATURE...

[M33Kish]

Wow lol ok 0-2

[ Post made via Mobile Device ]

[M-Mature Boy]

alright 2-0

[BennyBones]

flow tie
personals tie
creativity none
name play 33

by a butt hair mvgt:33 he just came harder imo

[Kuhlerblynd]

Mature's verse


my first time on this site and already found my first victim/
i bet M33Kish gets excited when male officers search strip em/

This isnt really hard hitting at all, in my opinion.

you shoulda never took this challenge cuz ur 1-2 record soon to be 1 & 3/
i spit like a real rapper while u pretending like a wanna-b/

There's no punchline here, really. Mentioned his record, but that doesnt make it a creative personal.

M33Kish ur rhymes "Wack" like when mobsters order a hit/
if i tell u i had 5 guns, 5 45's, u think im givin u the time like its a quater to 6/

Okay, this is pretty decent wordplay but the delivery seems a bit off to me. The punchline is a little better, but couldve hit harder.

man you cant compete wit me like u got less than 10 posts/
you couldnt win if i DQ'd myself & u had all ur friends votes/

The 10 post thing is a fake personal. If its not truth, it doesnt really work in my eyes. The punchline here is a little better, but still not really hard hitting.

damn dude, at best ur skills are third string/
come on JV, ur lackin against my VARSITY word scheme/

This is good wordplay. Punchline is the best so far IMO.

M33Kish cool? na! dude couldnt b fly if his profile wuz a bird theme/
the only time u get the hottest girl is when u fantasise like when a nerd dreams/

This isn't a very good punchline. I mean, all you really are saying is the most obvious things you can come up with, and a punchline is supposed to have some kind of humor thrown into it. You need to work on your delivery, and you need to work on your creativity with your lines.


M33's verse

I'm-mature-enough,
To school all these im-mature-fucks/
Lucks got nothing to do with it,
I rank this bitch off top, his post count ain't even wassup/

This doesnt really diss him at all bro. Just because his post count isn't high, and you refer to it, doesn't make it a funny punchline.

Lookin for an easy win, huh?
Well this the wrong site to begin/
Try posting on your mama's fridge,
With all your other fuck ups you spit/

Posting on his mom's fridge? Bro, you could be switching it up and using his name more. I know his name says boy and stuff, but this isnt a good punchline at all.

All your flowin is 'jack-offs',
Matures bars cant be 'hard, he cant even 'get off-soft'/
I jap-off, take-off,
And set-it-off on MC's who rap-soft/

Now I see you are bringing some multi's into the verse, which is good. But what in the hell does jap off mean? You can't just make shit up lol.
Also, that hard/get off soft stuff kinda homo. Did you read the thread
http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/text- ... t3038.html ? If not, you should.

This noob couldn't 'cum' correct,
With an answer sheet and and a 'towlet'/
Your the dope bitch, that just sniffs crack,
I kick-back and re-lax, letting you fiend all of my dope tracks/

This one is a little better. You used pretty good wordplay at the beginning, so that's a plus. The ending though isn't really that good.

You should let your flow mature,
And let your verse drop a nut/
Lame, why you on at night,
callin for battles, talkin bout "WHOS UP!?"/

Um... I see you are stating that he was up at night. But that doesn't make it a diss. You have to switch it into something 'about' that, but bring a punch to the table.

M-mature, just leave the site,
Grab all your bars, and leave the hype/
And next time remember this,
"The Creeps Come Out At Night"/

Okay, more of the above. You really need to read this thread I think http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/text- ... t3038.html !!! It could help both guys here out.

My vote goes to Mature, because he had a couple lines that were actually dissing at his opponent, kind of. M33's verse just seemed like a bunch of talk and filler, with no punchlines whatsoever. Punchlines wins battles.

Vote- Mature

[M-Mature Boy]

alright 3-1 uppin for votes

[JDR]

Cat sweep to M-Mature Boy. Intro battle was decent. Though you came basic on some of the stuff you had but the creativity was there.

Meek, I like you kidd so Imma go real far in detail wit you.

Fix your Structure
I know you've heard this before. When you set a bar up, it either ends unexpected or drags out, creating a lot of filler or irrelevant points. Or your posting it almost like poetry which really don't work when nobody else uses that format. Your putting yourself in an easy fix bind.

Try to concentrate on your bar ending each line in rhyming words.

Example:
"Lookin for an easy win, huh?
Well this the wrong site to begin/
Try posting on your mama's fridge,
With all your other fuck ups you spit/"

Begin and spit don't rhyme. And if your trying a different approach of a multiple rhyme scheme in the same bar, it's still not working because your ending your first line with an irrelevant "Huh" If you left it at win, you could of pulled it off for your first bar but fridge and spit don't rhyme so its not working.

If thats your approach, multiple rhyme scheme in the same bar, you could.....
"Lookin for an easy win. Well this the wrong site to begin /
Ya lyrics are gonna give ya momma fits, with all your other fuck ups you spit//"

but to be honest, its not really a popular or attractive choice. Most people do this..

...............A
...............A //
instead of
.....A.........A
.....B.........B //

After you devlop a basic structure thats appealing to voters, try to complicate the way you deliver bars by maybe adding multies

Example....
Lookin' for an easy win, this the wrong site to begin/
Because i'll end your life with a pin, and put a knife to ya chin//

Then, maybe throw in a couple of punchlines, personals, or wordplays to destory his credibility or make him look silly.

Wow, cant believe I typed all that. Hopefully you read it and goodluck bruh!

[M-Mature Boy]

Alright 4-1 good battle bro

[ Post made via Mobile Device ]

[Alvin]

Thread Closed and Records Updated

M-Marure Boy Wins 4-1 TKO