New Punchline Verse

drunken jesus · Post by **drunken jesus** » Fri Jan 20, 2006 4:06 am

i'm up in some pretty dumb shit like nick lache trying anal,
staying with a nick to blaze cause hos try and play you
but gritty do how gritty does so i'm
the type to titty fuck a bitch with b cups, cause
real niggas do real things, see son? not the type to hit bitches yet
off some lsd and dipped cigarettes my mood will swing
put on a mood ring have the shit looking like a homo flag
so just give me fo mo drags, some shit to sniff, & get a call
and i'm splitting bricks like mario on mushrooms
and if the ho don't wanna crush dude it's simple you see,
have her drink a mickey like minnie on E, then menage twa
(but thats fucking goofy) you damn skippy
me and my mans with me we some veterans here
known for running trains like engineers
i'm insane so bitches wanna pop me quick cause i'm some cocky shit,
fuck passing i'm taking over the dutch like the nazis did
it stay in my clutch try and stop me kid
sipping the sizzurp i'll have you sitting in the dizzzirt
give dumb hoes what they deserve dropping they skizzirts
served a bitch a fellatio cause she thought it was a dezzert(taste this slut)

wrote it pretty quick... drop your comments/suggestions and i'll return the favor

precise · Post by **precise** » Fri Jan 20, 2006 1:11 pm

change "play you" to "play yall" rhymes with anal better anyways, its aright, peace

drunken jesus · Post by **drunken jesus** » Fri Jan 20, 2006 2:25 pm

nah if i wanted to write "yall" instead i would've when i first wrote it... it rhymes fine as is

thanks for the feedback though

upping for more

Ambiguous Realm · Post by **Ambiguous Realm** » Sat Jan 21, 2006 12:14 pm

depends on how u say it.. some people dont write how they talk tho.. and if u do write how u speak than yea maybe u should change anal .. just wat i think n e ways overall decent

drunken jesus · Post by **drunken jesus** » Sat Jan 21, 2006 12:20 pm

i basically think of verses in my head and keep repeating them 'till they're how i want them then write/type them down

Ambiguous Realm · Post by **Ambiguous Realm** » Sat Jan 21, 2006 12:29 pm

i usually just think as i write so its constantly going .. few pauses here and there and then going again.. seems to save time for me and i might forget wat i was thinking before

drunken jesus · Post by **drunken jesus** » Sat Jan 21, 2006 12:34 pm

word, i wrote like that when i first started

Viral · Post by **Viral** » Sat Jan 21, 2006 1:43 pm

all killah wrote:i basically think of verses in my head and keep repeating them 'till they're how i want them then write/type them down

yea i do dat shit pretty often...alot of the times...it doesnt even sound how i want it to...lol but i keep dat shit...cuz im too lazy to change it..haha.....but about the verse...its pretty decent not the best ive seen from u...but not the worst either

Subsist · Post by **Subsist** » Fri Jul 21, 2006 5:50 am

Whether it's play you or play yall both dont rhyme in my point of you and the first two lines got me pretty lost tryna figure out where the rhyme was.

After I write i usually come back and read it later and most of the time i find things that sound wrong and remove/change them.

complexity · Post by **complexity** » Fri Jul 21, 2006 7:09 am

There was a lot of rhyming in the first bar. Why do you think it flowed right into the second bar? Notice he didn't rhyme the "last word" in a lot of bars? Its called a rhyme scheme!

drunken jesus · Post by **drunken jesus** » Fri Jul 21, 2006 11:27 am

i'm up in some pretty dumb shit like nick-lache trying anal,
staying with a nick-to-blaze cause hos try and play-you
but gritty do how gritty-does so i'm
the type to titty-fuck a bitch with b-cups, cause
real niggas do-real-things, see-son? not the type to hit-bitches-yet
off some lsd and dipped-ciga-rettes my mood-will-swing
put on a mood ring have the shit looking like a homo-flag
so just give me fo-mo-drags, some shit-to-sniff, & get a call
and i'm splitting-bricks like mario on mush-rooms
and if the ho don't wanna crush-dude it's simple-you-see,
have her drink a mickey like minnie-on-E, then menage twa
(but thats fucking goo-fy) you damn-skippy
me and my mans-with-me we some veterans-here
known for running-trains like engin-eers
i'm-insane so bitches wanna pop-me-quick cause i'm some cocky-shit,
fuck passing i'm taking over the dutch like the nazis-did
it stay in my clutch try and stop-me-kid
sipping the sizzurp i'll have you sitting in the dizzzirt
give dumb hoes what they deserve dropping they skizzirts
served a bitch a fellatio cause she thought it was a dezzert

that may help a little, i don't typically rhyme in a specific pattern i usually try to keep my rhymescheme as unique as possible with it all making sense, & flowing nice

complexity · Post by **complexity** » Fri Jul 21, 2006 12:08 pm

Good looks. You should try to do that more often.

drunken jesus · Post by **drunken jesus** » Fri Jul 21, 2006 12:26 pm

yeah i use to but it gets annoying in my verses where i rhyme 90% of the words lol

TwIzTiD · Post by **TwIzTiD** » Fri Nov 17, 2006 3:51 pm

Word, Rhymes pretty ill.

complexity · Post by **complexity** » Fri Nov 17, 2006 4:25 pm

Damn. This is old

New Punchline Verse

New Punchline Verse

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