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Tripp Bethea
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Untitled

Post by Tripp Bethea »

Have you ever wanted to be a kid again
when everything was nice and innocent
before we grew up and it all went to shit
sometimes i jus dont think that i can handle it

mom and dad arguing so i hit the road
call my boys up and see if they wanna smoke
Roll that Og kush nice n fat and toke
smoke it all up hit my dudes cell and get some mo

Cause marijuana is the only thing keeping me
from completely losing my fuckin sanity
all the bull shit at home with my family
plus life sure hasnt gone as planed for me
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Grim
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Re: Untitled

Post by Grim »

a few decent multies, fairly simple over all but good for a first post keep it up and try more multie and complexity use...nice though..felt a little emotion in it
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Alvin
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Re: Untitled

Post by Alvin »

Tripp Bethea wrote: Have you ever wanted to be a kid again
when everything was nice and innocent
before we grew up and it all went to shit
sometimes i jus dont think that i can handle it
The idea has been said, and you threw rather simple lines to display it. Maybe some metaphores of pain or the proccess would have suited nicely.
mom and dad arguing so i hit the road
call my boys up and see if they wanna smoke
Roll that Og kush nice n fat and toke
smoke it all up hit my dudes cell and get some mo
Its very simple, almost freestyle sloppy. Try upping your vocab man, and using wordplay to diguise what you really saying, so the read is more interesting.
Cause marijuana is the only thing keeping me
from completely losing my fuckin sanity
all the bull shit at home with my family
plus life sure hasnt gone as planed for me
this was prolly your best worded portion. A lot more feeling came through with the vocab, but draw a picture in my head man, and dont be afraid to make it scream. Its an ok drop, not bad, but not good, keep at it man, and for future post refrence, try feeding 2 other pieces and posting the link in your new topic so we know your not just spamming. Be easy man.
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S3V3NTH1RTY
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Re: Untitled

Post by S3V3NTH1RTY »

overall good drop..it had good structure, flow was easy to catch but it was very basic. if you made your bars more complex it would be so much more nasty. besides more imagery would really describe how you feel. although im fairly sure everything you felt while writing this was pretty much said. im just saying it would make the verse much more enjoyable and catchy. keep at it. some practice and theres a beast inside you yet.
A man that's got nothing to die for just ain't worth living. - cormega
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