Jokes sick and raunchy, anything that's funny

[32neilz]

I've just spent the day doing product testing for 'Always Ultra' with 100 female volunteers.
I tell you, I haven't seen that many pussies and pads since the last time I watched American Football.

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[32neilz]

Now the racists and rapists And open prison escapists Were just passing by.And the grabby types,The Maddie types,Who want to be a Daddy typesWere just passing by.And the mug-you types,And thug-you typesAnd like to have sex by drug-you typesWere just passing by.Those on their own, Fucking the phoneWith squinty eyes looking like a cloneWere just passing by.Trucker driving throughWho just got blewAnd killed a hooker on the A32Was just passing by.And the IT bodSat in his podChoking on his tongue and writing his blogWas just passing by.And the jobless types,Who are not whiteAnd used to pick cotton and fingers are lightWere just passing by.And the sick perverts,Who disconcertThe women with outrageous flirtsAnd like to fill their mouths with squirtsWere just passing by.The Sickipedia folk,Who share a joke;See a duplicate and almost choke.Waiting ages for Elton's strokeWere just passing by.There's a McDonald's for everyone.

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[32neilz]

My wife came home from work crying yesterday and asked me to console her.So I hit her over the head with my Xbox.

[ Post made via Mobile Device ]

[32neilz]

A girl on a bus said she would suck me off for £5. When she finished, she wiped her mouth and lit a fag. I thought, "What is the world coming to? I mean who sells cigarettes to a 12-year-old?"

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[32neilz]

They say a picture is worth a thousand words.

The pictures on my computer are worth a long sentence.

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[Defiance]

so a man come home and his girl friend has her bags packed and is leaving him

he askes her Why she's leaving

to which she replies

"the nieghbor says your a "child molester"

to that the man replies

"those are big words for a 12 year old!!!!"

[M33Kish]

So 2 guys walk in a bar, ones me the other is lady gaga...

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[32neilz]

My girlfriend threw me out because she caught me measuring the size of my cock, how petty is that?

Anyway it turns out it just reaches the back of her sisters throat.

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[32neilz]

I was staring down the barrel of a 45 when I thought,"Im not so sure I'm pointing this thing in the right direction."

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[Alvin]

I'm not much for telling jokes, but these are funny as fuck man, keep em coming

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[32neilz]

My new girlfriend told me that she had never met a man who could remove a girl's bra with one hand.

I told her I was used to it, as my other hand would normally be preventing screams from being heard.

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[32neilz]

Elephants are Purple.

Clouds are Green.

Come and join the Party, I'm Charlie Sheen.

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[32neilz]

Lady in labour, shouting the usual shit, "Get this out of me! Give me the drugs!" She turns to her boyfriend and says, "You did this to me, you fucker!"
He casually replies, "If you remember, I wanted to stick it up your arse, but you said, 'fuck off it'll be too painful.'"

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[32neilz]

I hate some of the excuses women come up with for not having sex.
Like:"I'm on my period".
"I've got a headache"or
"get your hands off my neck I don't even know you".

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[32neilz]

I was shagging the wife last night and, after cumming for the second time, I rolled over.
My wife was not impressed and said, "How about finishing me off now?"
So I smothered her with my pillow.

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