All of the lights (my interpretation) (incomplete) DRAFT

[Trizz]

I turned my head away, from his touch, that was enough
i couldnt run away, from his love, it was tough
now im so addicted, like breakin hand cuffs
now i wont try to bluff, this was true love not lust
now im sittin at home, gazin the night scene
im a turbulence, i jus seem serene
Mom said get a degree, so studying for s.a.t.
Ma, Pay for my m-i-c, i added a-s-a-p
problems summed up, so bad, larger than e-t-c
Then see me on t-v m-t-v b-b-c
I am Galileo Galilee , Gravitation and the sun
Centre of attraction, im an atom, this is CERN
but times are stressful, my mental cynic returns
my collision with destiny will define newton's laws
You're in if you've got balls, the new protocols.
i'm a fallen angel coz God pushed me down
well, i came back up, God, stare at my crown !
the seven principles in life are the seven sins.
we'll bring hell on earth as heaven grins


[ Post made via Mobile Device ]

-- Wed Mar 23, 2011 4:09 am --

[illadelphiakid]

Mom said get a degree, studying for s.a.t.
Mom, pay for my m-i-c i added a-s-a-p
problems summed up, larger than e-t-c
Then i'll be on t-v m-t-v b-b-c
I am galieleo, Gravitation and the sun
Centre of attraction, im an atom, this is CERN

These were the lines i felt u were the strongest.
then for some reason ur similies/metaphors got really simple n basic.
"But the game has no rules, unlike foot ball
Its how much you eat, i eat up a food mall
They cant be brushed off your shoulder, unlike lint"

This line i thought hit dead on "You're in if you've got balls, yes thats the protocol" Some of them are hitting, jus these metaphors n similies seem really basic n uninspiring. I know u can replace them with something deeper. I would re-work this b4 i take it to booth.

[Immortal Javelin]

that was a really tight verse for a draft. props

[Trizz]

thnks. Im gonna chuck the crap and keep it 8 bars
Word illa, there was a LOT of crap in it.

[ Post made via Mobile Device ]

[complexity]

I appreciated the rhyme scheme at the beginning the most.

A good emotional piece. The only thing, in my opinion, that was holding it back was the lack of quality rhymes after the first few lines.

Sometimes all of us get into the habit of forcing a rhyme to fit a bar. Technically that's better than sacrificing content for a rhyme, but it's really the same situation.

Good drop overall though.

[Trizz]

yes, im workin on it. Tryna get mo scientific, i'll probably discuss nuclear fissin reactions..

-- Wed Mar 23, 2011 2:43 pm --

*fission

[Static]

i really dug this, if you expand on it and record let me know.