Murder Verses (Something Pretty Different)

[infinite9]

i tried something pretty different. something way more over exaggerated than usual and somewhat humorous but i relied on rhyme schemes for this one.

I vomit nails and I spit cancer
With one look I’ll give more viruses than strip dancer
I play piano where the keys are sharpened knives
Severed angel wings up on my back reminds I fly in darkened skies

I sing it well, swinging twelve battle axes
And I rattle hatchets in my hand to cut the shackle latches off me
I pluck my teeth to carve a pen so I can write the venom
I made the devil deaden with my fangs, my bite behead ‘em

When I was was seven I shot butcher knives outta my wrist
And shattered fists dropping hammers off of high cliffs
I juggle chainsaws with my eyelids
I be spitting out knives that would even bleed ya dry, kid

Looking deep in my eyes, you know I linger Hell
I’ll give a back scratch with razor blade finger nails
I’m more alarming than a ringing bell
I brought Satan’s head into kindergarten for a bring ‘n tell

http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/the-f ... 20698.html
http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/precu ... 20708.html

[MonuMental]

Pretty cool verse. I love to write murderous things, personally. It just feels right. Stay up, bruh.

[infinite9]

i changed it up a bit here. took some lines out that i didn't feel.

[Alvin]

I vomit nails and I spit cancer
With one look I’ll give ya more viruses than strip dancers
When I was young my mother tried to abort me
Jabbing chainsaws to her womb but the spikes would supports me
i can see where you're going with the last line, but it didn't quite work. The strip dancers line is nice though. Ok for an opener.
Looking deep in my eyes, you know I linger Hell
I give a back scratch with razor blade finger nails
I’m more alarming than a ringing bell
I brought Satan’s head into kindergarten for a bring ‘n tell
bring n' tell is a stretch on your rhyme scheme man. Other than that, its got good flow, simple multies, so effective overall.
I sing it well, swinging twelve battle axes
And I rattle hatchets in my hand to cut the shackle latches off me
I rest in caskets and sleep in spiked beds
Barbed wire is my blanket and my pillow is a swiped head
rhymes picked up a little here, but i felt like you focused too much on rhymes, and stop telling the story, or pushing it forward. It read as filler does.
I shoot butcher knives from outta the wrist
Shatter ya fist with sledge hammers dropped off the cliffs
Pluck my teeth and carve a pen so I could write the venom
I made the devil deaden with my fangs, my bite behead ‘em
graphic <- yes, effective<-- eh... As a closer its ok, but honestly as a summery it just tells me your "ill" with it in a demonic menner.


Good post overall, different approach as your title states. Nice read, keep dropping, and drop real feed, none of this one sentence shit. Be Easy

[infinite9]

changed it up again. did a lotta reworking on it. this is a toughy to pull off man.

[FatalX]

I vomit nails and I spit cancer
With one look I’ll give more viruses than strip dancer-nice
I play piano where the keys are sharpened knives
Severed angel wings up on my back reminds I fly in darkened skies-nice again

I sing it well, swinging twelve battle axes
And I rattle hatchets in my hand to cut the shackle latches-
nice
off me----stuff like this I will put in brackets to show it is in the background like (so)
I pluck my teeth to carve a pen so I can write the venom
I made the devil deaden with my fangs, my bite behead ‘em-ok

When I was was seven I shot butcher knives outta my wrist
And shattered fists dropping hammers off of high cliffs
I juggle chainsaws with my eyelids
I be spitting out knives that would even bleed ya dry, kid-ok

Looking deep in my eyes, you know I linger Hell
I’ll give a back scratch with razor blade finger nails-tight
I’m more alarming than a ringing bell
I brought Satan’s head into kindergarten for a bring ‘n tell
ok

this was a fun read....I liked it alot great structure good punches keep dropping shit like this dude

[infinite9]

thanks a lot man.

[QwarterZ]

A pretty sick piece man, the whole imagination behind this is nice
I can see a glimmer of nice lyricism coming from you...
I can't wait to read more of your stuff...
I don't have much to say really...the visuals are strong here
keep it up maaaaan!!