Those People--Opinions PLEASE!

[stayTRUE07]

http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/worst ... 20627.html

http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/here- ... 20681.html



Typical lives walk without dissent, wheres the cookie cutter, mutter words under breathe, cuz its easier to get by then be ahead,no need to feel individuality more or less, the herd mentality gotcha stuck wit herbs in distress n need of therapy, years of washed brains in need of brain washin probablyfar gone anyway, maybe the next generation?, could they be the savior of this nation, or will it be take two of these to ease the pain, NATURALLY...Honest thoughts, thank you.

[MonuMental]

Pretty cool, yo. I feel where this is goin. Lotta problems on the homefront. It's a nice message.

[Alvin]

Typical lives walk without dissent, wheres the cookie cutter, mutter words under breathe, cuz its easier to get by then be ahead,no need to feel individuality more or less, the herd mentality gotcha stuck wit herbs in distress n need of therapy, years of washed brains in need of brain washin probablyfar gone anyway, maybe the next generation?, could they be the savior of this nation, or will it be take two of these to ease the pain, NATURALLY...Honest thoughts, thank you.

First and foremost, structure is difficult to read. Try something along these lines to help your reader:

i hate your structure blah blah blah
something or other blah blah blah
sottaly tober blah blah blah
suck and so forth blah blah blah

... Making the blah, your primary rhyme.
Very short to be honest, word usage is ok, nothing really stands out though. Pretty open topic. Try using more similes or metaphors to add some imagery. Decent, but length makes me think you cant write or your extremely lazy. Keep at it man.

[stayTRUE07]

Haha, good looks on the comments. Punchd Drunk, just lazy. I'll keep at it.

[infinite9]

it was hard for me to follow but i assume the commas are where the lines end.

the message got across well but it felt plain. it needs more "decoration." flowed decently too. the word usage was good but nothing awesome.

are you new to writing? i can't judge heavily for it because we've all been here.

[Damage Control]

Like the previous posts stated, you need to structure your written's better. Normally when people go into a thread, they won't bother feeding something that looks like a newspaper article. Presentation is [almost] everything. To the content; It was a nice/quick read with nothing to really gripe about. Vocab was mediocre but not childish. It looks like you also need to re-place your comma's so the rhyme scheme flows more smooth. Keep at it.

Return the feed.

[FatalX]

I dont even know what you where trying to say but theres a hip hop 101 on this site somehwhere pm Puncheddrunk hell lead you the write direction....I do see potental and enough intelligence for you to cdrop something worth reading...although for me maybe Im in a bad mood but I think this wasnt even worth taking the time to read....keep trying