`-_Our Fatal Tomorrow_-` [topical]

[Madeye]

....
The last gift of planets... Hosting One final Reach forth for Mankind
Meeting their challenge... Leaping bounds out of beliefs... Tortures in Time
Of coarse... The more they'd try... The more disheartened they'd all soon become
With a chorus of cries distorting desires... Conclusive... Done;

Governments broke assembly... Closed forces- for they'd Opposed of Fence
As a whole... Spoke to shed stencils- then just Stay the road ahead
Sustain both Knowing and Unity amidst their trials... Exposed
But... Such timeless Molds of scrutiny won't just... Silently Go

Angels prophetized faded... All forgotten... As with religion
Decades after remittence caged us chaos... Back in a system
Science afforded migration... Hence... The human species survives
Piloting courses, lives aiming emotions through pristine designs

Thereafter... Arriving at a lonely Globe with Partnering Moon...
Stares, laughter and surprising commotions rose when all parties Knew
"That atmosphere's confirmed Compatible... We Can Thrive Again!
"Quick, ready all engines!- Bring Ship's Decent whilst Reading Bible Hymns"

They've long awaited that moment which keeps their kind from vanishing
Growing hopeless as faiths leave focus... Each declines more travelling
But, here? This instance will surely withdraw daunting expression
If only we'd guessed our collision with a comet was Destined

Billions of stars slid behind them... All leading up to this ending
Where even the cosmos were positive... Appalling was pending
So... with it's great vastness, its formulated the ultimate plan...
To wait on that exact path went... where Brute Forces Come Punish Man....

Feeds:
Link 1
Link 2

[Deception]

Billions of stars slid behind them... All leading up to this ending
Where even the cosmos were positive... Appalling was pending
So... with it's great vastness, its formulated the ultimate plan...
To wait on that exact path went... where Brute Forces Come Punish Man....

nice drop, i like this espesily them 2 bars, i lost the flow a few times so i would say try to improve that, but the vocab was good

peace

[QwarterZ]

This topical was cool, not original but still cool
it was more focused on painting the picture then shedding light
which is cool, but sometimes you really want all parts to stand out
the flow was on and off, but the whole vibe or picture you painted
was good hope to see more from you man!

[Madeye]

Yeah... the flow could be tightened with more/longer multies, I suppose.
But, if you read this at a good pace, without too much a pause in or between lines the flow
should be easier to find.
This was initally written to an image, but decided not to add it to this post.

I actually did this about 3 months ago, or so...
And just wanted to broaden the feedback by posting it
up at several locations.

I would much appreciate a thorough breakdown/critique on
this piece, and I will RTF shortly.
Thank you for your feedback thus far, I'll get
some feed to you fellaz soon, as well. :fistBump:

But, yeah... much respect.
Stay up.

One ['1]

[Kuhlerblynd]

I've read loads of pieces on this sort of topic over the years. I liked the imagery and the way everything flowed throughout the piece. I think you could tighten up your multi's, and the periods might want to be replaced with commas in some areas, just because the periods can kind of throw off how long the reader should pause in those areas. Your vocab was really solid though, and you stayed on topic throughout the piece. You definitely have some creative writing talent bro. Keep and it and welcome to the site. One.