Red, White & Blue Skidmarks

[Kau the Lion]

Stayed on topic throughout. Had some nice wordplay.

This country is pretty fucking stupid, but it don't hurt me//
Cuz of my distant relatives I gave up Thanksgiving cold turkey//

But watch me play 'gova-nah' & bring you fucks down to speed//
Like the Colorado Elections, you aint getting a Buck outta me!!!//

There were a lot of nice multies in this piece from top to bottom.

Tax evasion, how can the nation afford it, ask me, I blame the corporate//
Got us putting on such a captivating performance just to pay the mortgage//
It's made of horse shit...

^^That stood out to me.
Although, this one I couldn't make rhyme no matter how I tried to pronounce it.

Fuck the government, fuck freedom, that ain't real//
It'a all phony, I swear, it's a fake system ran by fake people//

The flow was ok for the most part although there were parts were it was hard to cram in all the words on a particular line. Like if you compare these two lines(I wrote out $200 for the sake of example):

Government power creates a public that scatters//

That's why we in a recession but Hollywood still making two hundred million dollar films//

It's 13 syllables compared to 23. That was probably my only major complaint.

Overall, a solid piece.

Edit: I just realized this is in the Poet's stage, not the Written rhymes so what I said about flow isn't really relevant.

[Glamtrash]

We all know how i feel about these lol, I think it should be in the written section. but all in all it's a good iece.

[ Post made via Mobile Device ]