Welcome to Illest Lyrics forum established in 2005.
----
Free Vapes

The Past

Drop your written rhymes in one of the largest collections of original rhymes on the internet. The feedback in our Written Rhymes section will simply amaze you.

Moderators: Loon E Lou, Enlightend

Post Reply
User avatar
miller11
Rookie
Offline
Posts: 7
Joined: Fri Dec 03, 2010 4:33 am

The Past

Post by miller11 »

Livin in the past brings nothing but pain.
Remember all the memories and relive the shame.
Left me clinically insane, No where to escape.
Seemed like society had sealed my fate.
To live on filled with hate. Bitter at the world for my bad hand.
Filled with self-pity no one last stand.
To get my life together, no house on sand. Couldn’t control,
The habits I formed, demons seemed to always patrol.
Only in my dreams was I not insane, pray to the lord.
To forgive my sins, that cause me to steal and continue to horde.
For which I know only sharpens the sword, that keeps on pressing into your heart.
Unfortunately the path I chose will end up badly before its start.
My life increased in concavity the past few years.
With nothing left I prayed with tears,
To make my head ever clear, and wake up from the fallacy.
That to live my life I needed this alternate reality.

Feedback is greatly appreciated. :D
User avatar
Alvin
Sudonim Free
Offline
Posts: 1958
Joined: Wed Nov 24, 2010 6:09 am
Wins: 8
Losses: 3
No Shows: 1
Location: CA

Re: The Past

Post by Alvin »

Dope drop. To be honest it read more like poetry than rap. Ur flows a little shaky, some good rhyme crossovers though. Keep writing and dropping, maybe some audio to hear ur style. All in all a decent read,but an improvement from ur previous one. Thumbs up

[ Post made via BRAIN ] Image
User avatar
repteelay
Novice
Offline
Posts: 54
Joined: Thu Mar 19, 2009 4:15 pm
Wins: 0
Losses: 2
No Shows: 1

Re: The Past

Post by repteelay »

millllerrr my man, dope drop would love to hear audio?? ;) :construction
in a diss cypher, shit might just pop off, gotta take to the
streets like whitewalls
idiot you have no reason to speak. till night falls
im heavy in the game and i might pause...befor i slice yall
User avatar
blokB
Micless
Offline
Posts: 202
Joined: Wed Nov 17, 2010 10:50 pm
Losses: 1
Location: Sacramento, California

Re: The Past

Post by blokB »

i like this bro. def a poetic style but i dig your choice of adjectives. hard to flow but maybe its how im reading it. nice drop man cant wait to read more.
We must always and forever have hip-hops best interest at heart. We must allow ourselves to be critical of the music and culture so that ideas and beliefs that aren’t progressive can be eliminated and made unattractive to our youth. Our allegiance to Hip Hop has to be about more than romanticized ideas of misogyny, materialism, murder and mayhem. Instead our allegiances must be rooted in what we individually and collectively determine beneficial. The story of misogyny, materialism, murder and mayhem doesn’t end well. We’ve got proof. Doing what one believes is individually and collectively beneficial may allow for a better ending. Or better yet, no ending at all.
C.I Truth
User avatar
Riggz
Rap King
Offline
Posts: 887
Joined: Thu Nov 05, 2009 3:41 pm
Wins: 16
Losses: 8
Location: Atlanta, GA
Contact:

Re: The Past

Post by Riggz »

I liked the descriptions you had throughout the verse. Nice vocab in some places. The flow was off so it read more like spoken word. Nice feel to it though.
ILL Flow - thieves-vt15638.html
aka aL-b
"SHMUKS"
REBIRTH of the FIGHT CLUB... Say it with me!
User avatar
miller11
Rookie
Offline
Posts: 7
Joined: Fri Dec 03, 2010 4:33 am

Re: The Past

Post by miller11 »

Thanks for the feedback. Yeah I still need to work on my flow.. And hopefully I'll start doing a little audio to practice once I find a mic.
Post Reply

Return to “Written Rhymes”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Google [Bot] and 3 guests