Just Like A Star...

[Tokyo]

This is my first post in this thread , so positive feedback & criticism is much appreciated .
I wrote this song about this dude who used to be my best friend,
but his girl attempted to fuck me & I Turned her down cause I don't get down like that ; but apparently she ain't like it & told him that I tried to fuck her , & now he's on a mission to destroy my reputation with our gang/team ... & for some of you that don't know i'm only 16 .. figured I should throw that in there lol..

lately alot people been wanting my rap career to end//
talking bout i'm a fake & shit & how i'll never make it in//
this world there are 2 types of people you be hanging with//
the ones that really are your friends & the ones that just be saying it//
you trynna make it one for all so all of you can Just be making it //
but they see you doing more & deep down they be hating it //
degrading it , making there little statements,on some pain staking shit//
they just be saying this..//
isn't what they dreams was //
then they hit up facebook and shit on everything you dreamed up//
& when you in they face they just keep it sealed shut //
& try to catch you slipping so you don't recieve the teams love//
I lost someone I called my brother cause somebody was talking shit//
so they hit em up & told him that I tried to fuck his chick //
so now he want the fair one, but I don't think its fair son //
cause the nigga was so close, that we could shared the same lung //

[ Hook ]
I just find it funny How they used to call me "friend"
but in the end you realize, thats not who they is
whether or not you like it, I'ma keep it real with ya'll
I might be a nobody but somehow I am still a star

<to be continued>

Positive feed back please & thank you .[/right]

[Deception]

so now he want the fair one, but I don't think its fair son //
cause the nigga was so close, that we could shared the same lung //

best bar of the drop my opinion, sucks to be you right now tho. ive had it in the past mate. if hes real he'll come back after he has carmed down and talk about it.

right onto the drop, some nice work. written for audio i guess, the flow is on point. with use of some good imagery and vocab it could lift this drop. try not rhyming it with it and it, in future tho that makes the unapealing to read and most of the time boring.only other thing i would advise is making the font bigger as its not that clear.

keep droppin, keep elevatin,

peace

[The Gonz]

I thought this shit was nice. Simple delivery but executed cleanly and sprinkled with some multies and decent rhyme schemes. The topic was solid, I liked the wording of some of your lines. Some solid shit all around.

[ Post made via Mobile Device ]

[QwarterZ]

this was ok not too amazing as far as flow goes but the story was cool...I mean shit is bound to happen regardless of what goes on...I went through the same shit and you have a better grasp of whats going on around you then I did back then which makes more sense pretty good stuff..I dont think the hook was the greatest ever but it works for you...keep writing man

[ Post made via Mobile Device ]

[The Man]

[Momeijah]

Man I was really feeling that shit, especially the 1st 3 bars. I think everyone would be able to relate to that. Good message and I'm glad u didn't over complicate it n shit cause the simple execution was it's strongest point to me. Flow was dope, I had no problem with the rhymes either, keep dropping.

And at 1st I thought this was gonna be a remix of the Taio Cruz song baha.