On A Deserted Island With My Pen And Paper

[QwarterZ]

[video]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=91RpF0Zm ... re=related[/video]

See, I can picture us, me and you will be sailin' far
I could raise the bar, and help u see the rays afar
in a distant land, but I keep my guard up, trailin' thoughts
but one day All-ask-ha/I'll ask her like where Sarah Palin's are
see I'm trailin' off, dazed in thought with no real motives
feel hopeless, skills unfocused with the will of motors
dare I carry on, manually, or should I use, cruise control
cuz her melody soothes the soul when she reviews the poem
I used as hope, strung together, fish in the sea, newest boat
I use a note in a bottle, send it out hope you'll see tomorrow
read the directions, seize and follow, my heart beats as hollow
as the bottle as it falls, breaks, and she seems to peep my novel
written in pristine thought, all she see's is a mixed scheme, lost
but if she quickly walks, into the sunset, she can fix these drops
and pick me off, as though a ball player to his 16th shot
laid up in the background, thats all I've ever seen in these thoughts
a mixed dream off of notepads, covered up in creativity
it creates sicker schemes as I try to recreate in this dream
one I've fallen in love with, with no substance just a mix of love's wit
she's the blade I slit my wrist with, the antibiotic that quickly rubs it
I don't know how to explain it, I'm slipping into a state nameless
I hate to stay patient, but hurtin' myself is the only way to get away with...
attention, no not really that's just a line I came up with as I wrote
now I'm just going to leave the rest to fate, as I flow...........

[daworst1]

First of all im diggen the concept of this drop..it was pretty solid from beginnin to end...steady flow..nothin out of the ordinary but cool to read...keep it up..coulda used more word play but u prolly knew that already...keep it up man...one.


"one I've fallen in love with, with no substance just a mix of love's wit
she's the blade I slit my wrist with, the antibiotic that quickly rubs it"

(this line is sick...feelin it)

[ Post made via Mobile Device ]

[Kau the Lion]

in a distant land, but I keep my guard up, trailin' thoughts
but one day All-ask-ha/I'll ask her like where Sarah Palin's are

Really wasn't feeling this bar at all.

Other than that this was a pretty good piece. You presented some fresh concepts with a tight flow.

cuz her melody soothes the soul when she reviews the poem
I used as hope, strung together, fish in the sea, newest boat

I liked the flow and the wordplay here.

Keep dropping.

[FlipSide]

Im not quoting the ones quoted soooo

dare I carry on, manually, or should I use, cruise control
cuz her melody soothes the soul when she reviews the poem

I Like The Flow Here....

written in pristine thought, all she see's is a mixed scheme, lost
but if she quickly walks, into the sunset, she can fix these drops

Hmmmm.. Thought Provoking Bar Here

Anyways This Is A Pretty Dope Drop.. Seems U Used A Lot Of Sea Or Water References Which Gives it A Big Relative Meaning To The Verse... Dope Drop

[QwarterZ]

Thanx brewskis!

[Kau the Lion]

Return the favor if you get a chance.
http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/super ... 18729.html

[QwarterZ]

Sometimes I amaze myself