leeroi green 1st post feedback welome

[leeroi green]

I'm transforming the game like Auto-bots & Decepticons,
maximizing my rhymes terrorizing rivals like predicons,
set it off sucka my heat-flash like menopause,
smash on any rapper that act bad to get applause,
and then your head is gone my mic slice like a guillatine,
you defeat me stop please you're killing me,
i'll smoke you like nicotine,strap your body with c4 explosives and blow ya bitch ass to smitherines,
I intend to be the most prolific emcee of this century,
twenty-twenty-three's list of the greatest will have a pic of me,
I'm meant to be and something never before seen,
I shine with no ice they call me Leeroi Green,
if i dont see no green you aint goin' to see no me,
I'll be in all black with a ski mask like Shinobi,
it's M.O.B. 'til my money stack like ten whole feet,
if I aint the shit whoever is can depend on me,

easy.

[DoggyStylez]

Mad first drop homie...ryme scheme flows well and imagery very good too....

and then your head is gone my mic slice like a guillatine

I would've shorten that sentence down to:

"My mic's slicin thru emcees like a guillatine"....I don't know bro, jus a suggestion man...

Your punchlines delivered really well too. Hope to see more posts from ya bro....

-- Mon Sep 27, 2010 3:43 pm --

oh and welcome to tha site homie....

[leeroi green]

appreciate it i'm here so once i get the hang of this site i'll be posted

[Deciple]

Dude i liked reading this, has alot of energy to it, liking the rhymes u got going and the flow was awesome.... over all a very good 1st drop

[QwarterZ]

this was nice man some lines or shall I say words threw me off a bit like the guiotine bit and tryna prounounce your name to see how that worked out but everything else really seems to fit together man nice flow smooth concept..nice first drop keep writing homie

[ Post made via Mobile Device ]

[leeroi green]

hey i respect your thoughts thats why im here but im new to this so i dont know how to go about posting more 16s heres another but if i should open a new thread someone lace me up so i know and i'll be checking eveyones verses thanks

[FlipSide]

Had real good flow on this whole verse man... i read the first one only tho.. you should open a new thread for the second one... had a couple lines that made me chuckle...like

set it off sucka my heat-flash like menopause,

you defeat me stop please you're killing me,
i'll smoke you like nicotine,strap your body with c4 explosives and blow ya bitch ass to smitherines,

Shit Was Funny Especially When I Spit It LOL

if i dont see no green you aint goin' to see no me,
I'll be in all black with a ski mask like Shinobi,
it's M.O.B. 'til my money stack like ten whole feet,
if I aint the shit whoever is can depend on me,

Man Them Last Bars Were Dope... Good Drop Duke

[The Gonz]

Flow was good, had some decent rhymes schemes but they were also a little basic. Some good stuff man, definitely on the right track.

[ Post made via Mobile Device ]

[Kuhlerblynd]

I pretty much agree with what was said here. Sometimes your set-ups were your punchlines, which can throw off a verse as well. But you had some nice wordplay and concepts, and your flow was on for the most part, so that makes a difference. Nice first drop. Keep them coming. One.

[leeroi green]

'preciate the feedback i hope to show improvement