State Of Address (My Sweet 16)

[NoVeL]

Free Lance, Let My Pencil Carve in Paper-Back
True Novelist, My State Exact 2 Broaden & Outweigh The Facts/

Too Much Broadcasted, Collage & Display The Crafts
Watch em Blow "Jaz Careers" An Array of Musicians Will Play The Sax/

U Blog The Net Life, Track Stars Joggin' While Ya Mic Rust
Bold? I Think NOT Without The "Emphasized Caps" In Yuh Type Ups/

Shit-A-Lick of Wit, Take-A-Hit & Spit
Cats Remain "Standard" But Every 1st Letter I Shift My Scripts/

Bunch A Dribble Watered Down, U Always Toe The Border Clown
Rhyme Schemes Misfire 4 Every Time U "Past Tense" in Pre-Aborted Nouns/ (Think About It)

Can't Kill Me, You Put Ya "Life At Steak" Fa Tha Beef
Muthafucka I Neva Been A Herb, Don't Mistake What Chu Eat/

Petty Bullshit Enuff Wit Da Cryin', Get Chu Clapped & Leave Ya State Warm From Da Iron
U Feelin' Like Cali & U Livin' in Denver But The Chrome'll Snatch Ya Breath Like The Cold in November/

Gun Reference.. U Conspire & Provoke em', A Liar & A Joker
Ur Reply I Haven't Noticed & Being Honest You Ain't A Writer Your A Poet/

Suckin' Up Mah O-Zone, Chokin' On My Hemisphere
State of Mind is Ignorance My Judgment Zero-Tolerance/

The Brains of A Turd So I Know You Can't Acknowledge Shit
My Flow Been Clear All I Had Ta Do Was Polish It, I'm Married 2 My Dreams So I Wedded A Prophetess/

Your Demise I Promise U I'll C 2 It, The Area I Breathe.. Music
Your Riding My Dick Lil' Homie & I Ain't Even Give U The Keys 2 It/

Murder You, My Flow Anubis Though I Remain Reclusive
You Give Me "Reasonable Doubt" & I Ain't Talkin' Bout A HOV Exclusive/

I Shouldered Blueprints Since The Foundations of Rhymes
Put A Dash in em' U Connect The-Space-My-Lines, But That's A Scott Theory & I Ain't Wastin' My Time/

Punchline King? Man I'm Sicker Than Rap
Industry Coke, Spit in Cyran Then Distribute The Crack/

I Pipe Blond's & Explode in Mouths Like Pipe Bombs
Faggot Couldn't Spit Nice Venom, At Best Try Ya Luck With A Python/

Ironically My Type Fonts & My Lines Brawn
Scared of The Dark in Ya Batman Sheets Then Faggot Turn The Lights On/

Pussy!

[FlipSide]

ok so i saw a scott reference in there and a denver reference...so im thinking this is directed at rugged..? i Dunno butr this more like a battle verse than a written to me... nice lines and punches in there but u mind as well be Shootin blanks since i dunno who u aiming them at... Anyways Dope Drop Bro...Nice Word Play... But This More Of A Battle Verse Than A Written

[JDR]

Bunch A Dribble Watered Down, U Always Toe The Border Clown
Rhyme Schemes Misfire 4 Every Time U "Past Tense" in Pre-Aborted Nouns

Nicest bar you got. Real creative.

Some punches that need a bit more creativity like..

Murder You, My Flow Anubis Though I Remain Reclusive
You Give Me "Reasonable Doubt" & I Ain't Talkin' Bout A HOV Exclusive/

Your Demise I Promise U I'll C 2 It, The Area I Breathe.. Music
Your Riding My Dick Lil' Homie & I Ain't Even Give U The Keys 2 It/

Can't Kill Me, You Put Ya "Life At Steak" Fa Tha Beef
Muthafucka I Neva Been A Herb, Don't Mistake What Chu Eat/

You also missed up a few hard disses in there.
I'd say the multies & flow are pretty decent. Only advise I could throw is that punches be a tad more creative.
Good drop.

[complexity]

I obligate myself to leave too much feedback, I need to stop doing that.

Free Lance, Let My Pencil Carve in Paper-Back
True Novelist, My State Exact 2 Broaden & Outweigh The Facts/

[Good]

Too Much Broadcasted, Collage & Display The Crafts
Watch em Blow "Jaz Careers" An Array of Musicians Will Play The Sax/

[Stayed on theme, don't know how great the punch was, it was cool]


U Blog The Net Life, Track Stars Joggin' While Ya Mic Rust
Bold? I Think NOT Without The "Emphasized Caps" In Yuh Type Ups/

[Shot at James]

Shit-A-Lick of Wit, Take-A-Hit & Spit
Cats Remain "Standard" But Every 1st Letter I Shift My Scripts/

[Cool]

Bunch A Dribble Watered Down, U Always Toe The Border Clown
Rhyme Schemes Misfire 4 Every Time U "Past Tense" in Pre-Aborted Nouns/ (Think About It)

[If a picture is worth a 1000 words you might as well replace your bar with a picture (think about it)

Can't Kill Me, You Put Ya "Life At Steak" Fa Tha Beef
Muthafucka I Neva Been A Herb, Don't Mistake What Chu Eat/

[My goodness that was horrible]

Petty Bullshit Enuff Wit Da Cryin', Get Chu Clapped & Leave Ya State Warm From Da Iron
U Feelin' Like Cali & U Livin' in Denver But The Chrome'll Snatch Ya Breath Like The Cold in November/

[Good line]

Gun Reference.. U Conspire & Provoke em', A Liar & A Joker
Ur Reply I Haven't Noticed & Being Honest You Ain't A Writer Your A Poet/

[Don't know who that went after, but it was nice]

Suckin' Up Mah O-Zone, Chokin' On My Hemisphere
State of Mind is Ignorance My Judgment Zero-Tolerance/

[State of lameness]

The Brains of A Turd So I Know You Can't Acknowledge Shit
My Flow Been Clear All I Had Ta Do Was Polish It, I'm Married 2 My Dreams So I Wedded A Prophetess/

[Punch sucked, everything before it was nice]

Your Demise I Promise U I'll C 2 It, The Area I Breathe.. Music
Your Riding My Dick Lil' Homie & I Ain't Even Give U The Keys 2 It/

[Your demise I promise it would have been utterly ridiculous]

Murder You, My Flow Anubis Though I Remain Reclusive
You Give Me "Reasonable Doubt" & I Ain't Talkin' Bout A HOV Exclusive/

[Decent]

I Shouldered Blueprints Since The Foundations of Rhymes
Put A Dash in em' U Connect The-Space-My-Lines, But That's A Scott Theory & I Ain't Wastin' My Time/

[Good transition from that last bar]

Punchline King? Man I'm Sicker Than Rap
Industry Coke, Spit in Cyran Then Distribute The Crack/

I Pipe Blond's & Explode in Mouths Like Pipe Bombs
Faggot Couldn't Spit Nice Venom, At Best Try Ya Luck With A Python/

[Cool]

Ironically My Type Fonts & My Lines Brawn
Scared of The Dark in Ya Batman Sheets Then Faggot Turn The Lights On/

[lol]

Pussy!

How did you possibly make so much sense this time? You're elevating overnight!

Keep it up man. The schemes were much improved, punches still lacking a bit, but a lot more tolerable.